


The Forgotten One

by TheLookingGlass_7



Category: Glee
Genre: Child Neglect, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-22
Updated: 2017-01-21
Packaged: 2018-09-19 03:02:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 33,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9415052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLookingGlass_7/pseuds/TheLookingGlass_7





	1. Chapter 1

It was early, really early. The sun was still hidden in the sky but Mercedes was awake. She whimpered and shivers coursed through her body. Being in this house with no heat was starting to drain her immune system, but she never complained. Mercedes missed showers and warm houses, secretly wondering how long her body could withstand the neglect. She adapted because she had to. She needed to show her mother that she didn't blame her for their circumstance. She understood her mother did the best she could and as long as she was with her mother, Mercedes had family. Her father, a successful dentist, left his wife and abandoned his child two years ago, preferring to shack up with his mistress instead. He left and so did his money and the stability it provided. Now Mercedes and her mother survived off of her mother's two jobs and Mercedes' after school waitressing job which brought in meager earnings, but made sure Mercedes and her mother didn't starve—most nights. Last night she didn't work, and that all too familiar feeling of emptiness churned in her stomach. Her body felt heavy as she lifted from the futon frame, which was her bed now for two weeks. Mercedes hadn't had her own bed for years but the frame was a hundred times better than the makeshift one she made. The inventive girl took a sheet and stapled it to the rotted wooden floor. After finally telling her mom about the mice that ran over her body at night, her mom worked double shifts to buy her a bed. After working day and night for three weeks straight, her mother would finally be able to afford the futon mattress next week and she looked forward to waking up without the impression of the metal slats all over her body. She barely slept and always woke up sore. When she finally lifted the covers from her body, the sudden gust of air from her drafty windows made an appearance. Shivering, Mercedes hesitantly lifted her sweatpants to see her legs. They were her favorite body part, but she hated what she saw this morning. She hadn't had a good shower in a few days and it showed by the way her skin scaled and lightened on her legs. They would be the first things she scrubbed when she got to school.

Rushing to the bathroom in the nick of time, she released the contents of her empty stomach and stared at the green bile now filling the toilet. Since their water had gotten cut off a few months ago, they had taken to buying gallons of water to flush the toilet and wash up. One gallon was one flush and they only had 5 gallons left to wash and flush for the week. She would have to go to school to take a shower. So Mercedes stepped into her mother's room and told her she had to be to school early to practice a song before glee and she made it out of her house and into her rickety car by 6 AM. During her 10-minute drive to school she sang along to the songs on the radio. Although she felt guilty for doing it whenever she had to try out for a solo, she always held back, knowing she couldn't fully devote the time to rehearsing. Mercedes never minded when they called her lazy; understanding that if she shined a spotlight on herself for too long her secrets could be exposed. Knowing she was far from lazy and pouring herself into a song when she was alone would have to suffice for now. She was barely coming to glee and was thankful no one noticed her skipping a few classes a week. Whenever a competition came up, Mercedes did her best and gave her all knowing it may be the last one she attended. Sadly no one noticed that she pared down songs in class and rehearsal while letting it all out in competitions, but she was grateful for the anonymity. Mercedes learned a long time ago to avoid drawing attention to herself. She excelled in all of her classes but made sure to never speak unless spoken to. No stranger to academic achievement, she found if she skimmed on homework and got a few answers wrong, she could skirt by with high Bs in her classes. Besides it was junior year and since she scored in the 95th percentile in Reading Writing and Math when she took the SATs a month ago, she was all set for admittance into a state school that was close to home next year. She figured any attention (good, bad or otherwise) could shine a negative spotlight on her living conditions and the only thing she wanted in this world was to stay with her mother. If more people saw her, really looked at her they could see her secret was written all over her face. It was in the way she obsessed about being clean, the way she constantly checked to make sure her shirts went over her wrists when she couldn't shower at school, how she avoided parties and glee gatherings conveniently having something else planned.

She tried to quit, knowing she could better utilize her time working extra shifts, but music was her outlet. She channeled all of her sadness and anger into singing. It was the best therapy for her and as she opened her locker and pulled out her duffel bag, she was going to enjoy her second favorite therapeutic activity. After waving good morning to the janitor, she sat in the choir room for a spell fiddling with the keys until she heard the janitor's footsteps retreat. She told the janitor, Mr. Grimaldi, the reason she got to school early was to practice the piano without anyone around. Mr. Grimaldi was a former piano player and would always indulge the polite girl. He got so used to seeing her that he would leave the side door open five minutes before she usually arrived. Once she was sure he went down another hallway, she grabbed her duffle bag and made her way to the locker rooms.

Sighing as she turned on the faucet, Mercedes closed her eyes and let the steam wash away her troubles. She grabbed her shower gel and globbed it on, stopping to scrub her wrists clear of dirt rings. Elbows, wrists, ankles, and knees always showed true hygiene. If she didn't pay particular attention to these areas, she could be asking for unwanted attention. With her eyes closed and the solace of the locker room, she belted out one of her favorite songs as if she were singing to a sold-out arena.

 _Don't know why there's no sun up in the sky_  
Stormy weather  
Since my man and I ain't together,  
Keeps rainin' all the time

Life is bare, gloom and mis'ry everywhere  
Stormy weather  
Just can't get my poor self together,  
I'm weary all the time  
So weary all the time  
When he went away the blues walked in and met me.  
If he stays away old rockin' chair will get me.

All I do is pray the Lord above will let me walk in the sun once more.  
Can't go on, ev'ry thing I had is gone  
Stormy weather  
Since my man and I ain't together,  
Keeps rainin' all the time

_-Stormy Weather_

Sam stood by the locker rooms transfixed by the sound he heard. He loved listening to her sing in glee, but it was obvious she put a little more into it when she was alone. He could admit she had the most beautiful voice he ever heard. It was a part of his routine to come in early and put in some practice time before school to make sure his first-string quarterback position would stay intact. He first realized he wasn't the only one who got here early when he saw the side door slightly open one day. Slipping past he followed the melodious voice of Miss Mercedes Jones. He noticed she came in a few times a week showering and singing heartbreakingly beautiful songs that made his insides melt.

He always wanted to know more about her, but she was good at blending in the background. Sam never understood why. To him, she was too special to ever be forgotten. She was born to stand out. Even sharing four classes and glee club gave him as much information about the tiny diva as the rest of his classmates. For some reason he couldn't take his eyes off of her, finding reasons to sit next to her in class and changing his route so he could see her in the hallways. Sam had no idea why, but he felt protective over her, like he needed to see for himself that she was okay.

There was a sadness in her eyes that he couldn't ever place, a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. It was adequate enough for everyone else, but he knew she could smile bigger and her eyes could shine brighter.

He heard a giggle and footsteps leaving the locker room, warning him of her impending approach. Turning on his heels he walked down towards his locker to grab his books before the bell rung. He walked towards his class with a newfound determination to break down Mercedes Jones' walls and find out what she was hiding.


	2. King of Sorrows

I'm crying everyone's tears  
And there inside our private war  
I died the night before  
And all of these remnants of joy and disaster  
What am I suppose to do

I want to cook you a soup that warms your soul  
But nothing would change, nothing would change at all  
It's just a day that brings it all about  
Just another day and nothing's any good

The DJ's playing the same song  
I have so much to do  
I have to carry on  
I wonder if this grief will ever let me go  
I feel like I am the king of sorrow, yeah  
The king of sorrow

I suppose I could just walk away  
But I'll disappoint my future if I stay  
It's just a day that brings it all about  
Just another day and nothing's any good

The DJ's playing the same song  
I have so much to do  
I have to carry on  
I wonder will this grief ever be gone  
Will it ever go  
I'm the king of sorrow, yeah  
The king of sorrow

I'm crying everyone's tears  
I have already paid for all my future sins  
There's nothing anyone  
Can say to take this away  
It's just another day and nothing's any good

I'm the king of sorrow, yeah  
King of sorrow  
I'm the king of sorrow, yeah  
King of sorrow

**_-King of Sorrow (Sade)_ **

After closing his locker and gathering his books, Sam sighed as he watched her saunter down the hallway with Kurt and Tina wearing her signature fake smile. He wondered why her friends couldn't see it. She looked tortured and sad, but everyone around her carried on like she was fine. Like working every day after school and barely eating lunch was normal. Did they care at all? Were the all so self-absorbed they couldn't see her suffering right in front of them? Maybe they did and like himself, weren't sure how to approach the situation. Sam refused to believe he was the only one to see that Mercedes was just going through the motions. He often wondered what happened to the vibrant brassy girl from freshman year that was equal parts strong and vulnerable. The girl who took down bullies, had the courage of her convictions and shook Cheerios with her confidence.

Sam didn't know why, but his favorite class was Chemistry. He always felt like some superhero learning about molecules and chemical reactions. Yup, mixing elements in beakers made him want to be a scientist like Beast, Donatello (the ninja turtle not the artist), or Bruce Banner. He also wouldn't acknowledge his excitement for the class had anything to do with sitting next to and being lab partners with Mercedes Jones. He glanced up, watching her fumble with her books until she sat across from him. "Hey Sam," she greeted blissfully unaware of how her voice made Sam's day.

"Hey. Are you ready for next week's project?" Shit, she forgot about the project. They were supposed to construct a molecule and explain what would happen if common elements were combined with said molecule. The project was worth 40% of their grade and Sam had been asking when they could meet up to start it for a week now.

She wished she were invisible. "Yeah." She offered a stiff nod and a terse smile, hiding her emotions.

"How about after rehearsal I'll drive you home and we can work on it there?" Sam wanted a glimpse inside her world. What could be more comfortable than your own home?

Mercedes couldn't tell him she didn't want him seeing where she lived and thankfully she had an out this time. "I'm sorry Sam, I'm supposed to work tonight." Realize her reticence was going to make them both fail she offered an alternative solution. "I have an hour break; we can work on our project there if you don't mind meeting me at the diner. Then maybe we can work on it during our free period next week?"

Sam smiled, looking just like a boy who got exactly what he wanted for Christmas. "Sounds like a plan."

Before Mercedes could answer their nasally voiced teacher, Mrs. Abernathy or Mrs. A, interrupted them. "Mr. Evans, Ms. Jones," she addressed standing in front of the teens and tapping her foot impatiently. "Are we going to have to hear you set up play dates all class or can I go on to the business of chemistry?"

All eyes turned to the disruptive duo and Mercedes felt like she was under a microscope. Slowly, she shrank in her seat.  
Both gave a look like 5 year olds who were thoroughly chastised. "Sorry," the teens replied in unison.

When Mrs. A began her lesson, Sam casually leaned forward. "Ms. Jones," he mocked tapping his toes and speaking in shrill tones a la Mrs. A. She watched a smile erupt from the boy after his impression. Mercedes stared at him, barely stopping a giggle from escaping her lips.

To avoid more attention, Mercedes put her head down and covered her mouth as her shoulders shook from suppressed laughter. Then it happened, she looked up and smiled genuinely. He hadn't seen that look of unbridled bliss on her face in a long time and nothing could prepare him for his curious reaction. His breath hitched—hitched. She actually took his breath away. It was like seeing a rainbow after months of rain. She was filled with happiness and for some reason Mercedes shared it with him. It made his heart flutter. Trying desperately to rationalize his reaction or tamp down his emotions he leaned in slightly to whisper in her ear. "See I told you I was funny." He frowned when he saw her body tense and her dazzling smile fade, replaced by the fake one he was sick and tired of seeing. His brow furrowed when he saw her protectively cradle herself. Usually Sam couldn't pick up on subtle hints, needing things to be glaringly obvious but this one rang out loud and clear. He hated the insinuation. Pulling back once he saw her discomfort he was going to ask if she was okay, but before he could open his mouth, the bell rang and Mercedes bolted out of the classroom.

Mercedes successfully avoided Sam the rest of the day, being the last person to get to class before the bell rung and the first as soon as it sounded at the end of class. Instead of sitting at the Glee table, she ate in an empty classroom. She would only need to explain her behavior in rehearsal and maybe if she slipped out the back door, she would only have to deal with him for an hour at the diner. She sighed in relief as her hand touched the bar to open the door to avoidance but she cringed when she felt someone tap her shoulder.

"Mercedes," the annoyingly controlling voice chastised. "Regionals are a few weeks away and we need everyone to bring their A game. You weren't about to skip rehearsal again right?" Rachel Berry, the self proclaimed leader of the group was leering at Mercedes, publicly reprimanding her as if she were a wayward toddler. Not wanting to draw further attention, Mercedes turned and gave a tight-lipped smile to the annoying girl. "Wouldn't dream of it. Lead the way." She rolled her eyes at the impending confrontation, hoping against hope she could come up with an explanation that hid the truth. Before opening the auditorium door Rachel turned around and added "Mercedes, let me know if you would like some vocal lessons. I noticed during our last rehearsal you were a little flat." Through clenched teeth Mercedes responded. "That won't be necessary." She sat on the auditorium stage floor with everyone else watching and learning Mike's choreography for their big group number. Trying to ignore Sam's concerned glances, she focused on Mike's footwork, the floor, the ceiling anything to avoid looking at him. Something about Sam unnerved her. He had this inexplicable way of disarming her senses and she knew if she wasn't careful, he would know all her secrets. She saw him approaching and instinctively moved closer to Tina quickly regretting that decision when the lovesick girl droned on and on about Mike. Luckily she saw Sam's movements still in her periphery and internally cheered. She wouldn't make the mistake of letting him get too close, not again.

When it was time to try out the moves they all watched Mike perform effortlessly, Mercedes rued her decision to skip lunch. One run through of the dance and she was light headed. A second run through and she was coughing, gasping for air. Damn this persistent cold. It was going on three weeks and she still hadn't shaken it. She couldn't afford to miss out on work and she couldn't miss school so she decided to power through it. Now she wheezed when she was over exerted. Mr. Schue stopped the rehearsal when he saw Mercedes struggling. "Okay everyone take five." Placing a hand on her shoulder he asked. "Hey Mercedes are you okay?" Rachel, the over officious 'star' she was chose that moment to go into a tirade about work ethic. Arms crossed on her chest, lips pursed and eyes narrowed she impatiently began. "No Mr. Schue I don't want to take five. I don't want to stop practicing because I want to win. Don't punish us because she can't keep up." Her attempt at looking intimidating failed epically as her stance made her resemble a constipated duck.

Sam felt the need to protect Mercedes inching closer to her and defending her actions. "Some of us have lives. We can't devote all of our time to perfecting a song. Ease up on Mercedes, she's our strongest performer."

Rachel scoffed. Clearly Sam had poor taste. Flipping her hair she responded. "How can she be our best performer when she can't get through a song without gasping for air? Unlike Mercedes I practice everyday, I live sleep and breathe music and that's why I'm going to make it one day. That's why I'm the leader and that's why I'm the best." She nodded to Mr. Schue and he spoke.

"Break's over, get back to your positions."

"I agree Mr. Schue. I'm tired of pulling everyone's weight and frankly Mercedes, you're getting too heavy."

Mercedes stood and stepped away from Sam's soothing embrace. She was a little hurt that none of her friends stood up for her, but she was even sadder that she wasn't surprised they hadn't. She could feel herself losing the one thing that made her happy. "I'm getting too heavy? And let me guess, you've been talking to Schue about how I'm dragging you down?" Rachel knew she went too far and had enough sense to be ashamed of her words. She looked down at the floor. Rachel's unusual silence spoke volumes. "I'll get lighter, in fact, I'll get weightless." Mercedes grabbed her bag and walked toward the door. "I'm done!"

Rachel should have been happy- she got rid of the dead weight. Looking around at the other glee members, she realized how big a mistake she just made. They looked like they hated her (even Finn). Clearing her throat, she tried to ignore their stares. "Let's get back to it."

Disappointed, Sam grabbed his bag ignoring Schue's commands for him to get back in line. Turning before he left he addressed his teacher. "You know I thought we were supposed to be a family, not a dictatorship. I'll come back when this is fun again." He exited through the same door Mercedes left moments before.  
Sam searched for Mercedes around the school, but couldn't find her anywhere. He gave up, focusing his attention on meeting up with her at her job in a few hours.

Mercedes wiped the same spot on the counter distractedly. Her safe hiding place collapsed like a house of cards, not strong enough to withstand Rachel's hurtful comments or Schue's ineffective leadership. She stormed out and showed her ass in front of her friends, shining an unnecessary spotlight on herself. To make matters worse, she would still have to work with Sam on their project in a few minutes. Hoping he wouldn't show, she started to restock the ketchup dispensers when she heard the door open. In an instant, he was walking over to her. His warm welcoming eyes and easygoing smile made her return the gesture.

"Hey," he greeted.

"Hey Sam. Just let me tell my manager I'm taking my hour break and I'll be right back. You can sit wherever."

Taking off her apron she walked over to where her manager stood. He was eyeing Sam's and Mercedes' exchange and from the looks of things, he didn't like what he saw.

Mr. Marquez was a slimy, shifty older man with greasy slicked back hair and a bad attitude. Whenever Mercedes worked, she could feel his eyes roaming her body and when she had to speak with him he shamelessly licked his lips and stared freely at her chest. Lately his advances were getting bolder—cornering her in the stock room, whispering in her ear. He made her uneasy, but the diner paid well and he never put his hands on her. Mercedes was eternally grateful for that.

Sam saw the way she tensed when her boss ran a perverted hand down her arm and leaned in. It was the same look she gave him earlier. Heaven help that man if Sam found out he did anything to hurt Mercedes. He shifted his gaze to their Chemistry book and Mercedes plopped down across from him in the booth.

"So have you thought about the molecule you want to use?"

Sam forgot he was here to work on their project. From Rachel to her boss, Sam could see Mercedes being taken advantage of. Above all else, she needed a true friend.

He took his hand and engulfed it between her folded ones. "If you want to talk about what happened today, I'm a good listener."

For the second time that day she smiled genuinely at him and for the second time his body's reaction was confusing. "Thanks Sam. What happened in Glee club was a long time coming. Let's face it, I never belonged there."

"That's not true. When you left everyone looked like they were going to kill Rachel." He shrugged and looked down, not wanting to see her face when he said the next part. "I stormed out."

Moving her hands from his she leaned closer to him. "But why?"

"Because you're the best singer I ever heard and if you're not there, what's the point?" He was sincere and his compliment melted Mercedes' heart.

She looked down bashfully and felt her defenses crumble. Soon their focus shifted from their project and the craziness that was rehearsal to their interests and hobbies. Sam was surprised to learn Mercedes' favorite sport was soccer and she was shocked to find out he liked to bake. He offered to make her his famous sweet potato pie when Mr. Marquez came over and interrupted their conversation. "Time to get back to work sweet cheeks. I don't pay you to gab all night. We have a diner to close."

She was disappointed that her time with Sam was drawing to a close. She liked learning more about him. "Sorry Sam I have to go. It was really nice talking to you."

"I noticed your car wasn't in the lot, are you okay getting home?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. My mom just had car troubles and needed mine." Eavesdropping, Mr. Marquez volunteered. "I can take her home." Sam wasn't having that. "It's actually pretty close to me. I have no problem taking you home. Besides we can talk more about our project." Relieved, she agreed. "Okay, only if it's not a hassle. I should be done in 15 minutes. Thanks Sam."

The drive to Mercedes' house was nice. They sat in companionable silence, her not wanting to divulge any more than she already had and him not wanting to push further. They made idle chat about the scenery and weather. When he was getting closer her heart pounded. She couldn't let him drop her off in front of her house. He would know everything. She didn't want to be pitied and she sure as hell wasn't going to be someone's charity case.

She told him she lived a few houses down from her real house. Grateful there were cars behind him, she thanked him and got out of his car. After making sure his taillights were nowhere to be seen, she scurried over to her house and closed the door.

He couldn't leave until he knew she was okay. Circling the block, he checked to make sure she got in okay. He pulled away after he was sure she was safe.

Sam reflected on the night. There were some moments when she was unfiltered, and in those moments she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. But those moments were fleeting and he hated what usually followed. Why was she shutting herself off from everyone? Why did she work at that diner where her boss openly objectifies her body? Ms. Jones was definitely a mystery and for the first time, Sam was afraid of what he would discover once he found out her secrets.


	3. Someone to Watch over Me

There's a saying old, says that love is blind

Still we're often told, "seek and ye shall find"  
So I'm going to seek a certain lad I've had in mind

Looking everywhere, haven't found him yet  
He's the big affair I cannot forget  
Only man I ever think of with regret

I'd like to add his initial to my monogram  
Tell me, where is the shepherd for this lost lamb?

There's a somebody I'm longin' to see  
I hope that he, turns out to be  
Someone who'll watch over me

I'm a little lamb who's lost in the wood  
I know I could, always be good  
To one who'll watch over me

Although he may not be the man some  
Girls think of as handsome  
To my heart he carries the key

Won't you tell him please to put on some speed  
Follow my lead, oh, how I need  
Someone to watch over me

Won't you tell him please to put on some speed  
Follow my lead, oh, how I need  
Someone to watch over me

Someone to watch over me

**_-Someone to Watch Over Me (Ella Fitzgerald)_ **

* * *

 

Sam listened by the girls' locker room. Mercedes was singing a stirring version of  _Someone to Watch Over Me_  that was giving him chills. He never understood why no one noticed her. This girl was too amazing to be forgotten. He felt they made some progress yesterday and he hoped she would let him in more. Smirking, he ambled to his locker and collected his books, anxiously awaiting her arrival in Chemistry.

"Hey," he greeted when he saw her turn and smile.

"Hey. Last night was fun. We should hang out more."

Sam couldn't help the grin that erupted on his face. His cheeks hurt and he probably looked like a fool but he couldn't be happier. "Yeah. We definitely should."

During class the duo joked and chattered, ignoring Mrs. A's not too subtle hints to shut up. He felt like he was finally making some strides with the elusive girl. After class they even decided to walk to Glee together. They didn't even notice the curious looks from Tina, Kurt and Mike; too busy being in their own little world.

Mercedes entered the choir room quietly, hating the fact that all eyes were on her and Sam. Mr. Schue perked up when he saw them. "Mercedes, Sam, did you change your minds about quitting? I would love to have you back." His voice was patronizing and she wished he did what he usually does and not acknowledge her presence. It seemed that wasn't going to happen today. Lucky her. Mercedes hated the smug look on Rachel's face and tried her best to ignore the whispers her 'friends' were engaged in, calling her behavior juvenile and irrational. She quickly took a seat in the far right, away from everyone. "I'm only here because the roster chair couldn't find another class to place me in until the end of the week. I'll be out of your way soon enough." She directed her last statement to Rachel who had enough sense to look a little ashamed. Sam shrugged, feeling like he didn't need to say anything further. "Same."

Mr. Schue look genuinely disappointed. He always felt Mercedes was as ambitious as Rachel but never had the drive. He thought pushing her would force the ambition out of her but all he did was succeed in pushing one of the most skilled vocalists he ever taught out the door. And Sam. He had no idea what kind of vocalist the boy was because he never attempted to. Usually all male leads went to Finn. The boys even stopped trying out. He was even more curious that Sam stood by Mercedes. Yeah, they were acquaintances, but Sam seemed to be protecting the girl. He wondered when the unlikely duo became friends. Directing his attention back to the class, he spoke. "We are still decorating the sets for the school musical  _Peter Pan_  today. I'll pair you off and you will work with your partner for the rest of the period." It was all supposed to be random. The unqualified teacher drew names from Mike's hat. Somehow, she wasn't the least bit surprised to find she was paired with Sam.

When she went to paint the trees for the Tiki Forest scene, her short arms couldn't reach the tree so she decided to use the ladder to paint the leaves. Carefully she stood on the balls of her feet and strained a little trying to reach. Sam was so engrossed in panting the trunk that he didn't notice the precarious position his partner was in. He only looked up when he heard her slight whimper and grunt of effort. Everything happened in a split second. The rickety ladder began to wobble and she teetered off the edge. Without thinking he caught her and her eyes remained shut as she braced for her inevitable fall. The added adrenaline coursing through her body made her heart beat faster. With ragged breaths he studied her face. She was so beautiful—her eyes were shut and her forehead slightly furrowed. He could feel her rapid heartbeat through the thin layer of clothes separating them and watched as her eyes slowly opened at the realization she wouldn't fall. They were in that position for a while, so close their faces almost touched. A slight adjustment and he could end his agony by kissing the pillow soft lips he fantasized over. And her smell. What was that smell? There was something so natural and mesmerizing about it, a blend of fruit and her essence which made for the most aromatic scent he ever smelled. Perfumers should bottle and sell it. It was then he understood why his breath hitched whenever she truly smiled, or why sitting next to her in class was a highlight in his day. It helped him justify why he couldn't stop staring at her or why he was overly concerned for her well-being—he liked her. A lot. And for a while—ever since she was paired up to be his reading buddy in 2nd grade. He was in awe of the little girl that never talked down to him and never made him feel like his dyslexia made him dumb. He not only wanted her to be happy as her friend, he wanted to make her happy as her man. He wanted to know every genuine smile was from his efforts. Chancing it, he moved an errant strand of hair that fell on her face behind her ear. When she didn't pull back, he held her closer, tightening his grip on her waist and asked the question he had been itching to for years. "Mercedes, what happened to you?" That question was the metaphoric equivalent to ice water. It halted any progress made between them and he knew it would as soon as the question left his lips. He watched her jerk from his grip and walk to the opposite side of the stage. He could hear her walls being rebuilt and felt like he was almost at the top of Mt. Everest only to slide all the way back down to the bottom. Her fears felt insurmountable and he fought against the urge to give up. Something told him if he did he would regret it for the rest of his life. Running a frustrated hand through his hair he spoke. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

She raised her hand and shook her head. "You didn't. I just realized I'm running late for work. I'll come in early tomorrow to finish."

Sam sighed as he watched her rush to get away from him. Again.

He waited to hear her singing in the showers the next day, she never showed. He waited to apologize to her in Chemistry but her chair was empty. He didn't see her at all that day and when he casually asked Tina or Kurt where she was, their nonchalance made him angry. He wouldn't have been so worried if she ever missed school before but she hadn't. Ever. She had perfect attendance since first grade. He knew something was wrong when she didn't show up the next day. Sam knew she was private, a trait he was growing to hate. Surprising her would make her retreat and withdrawal further into herself like a panic stricken crab. He was willing to risk her anger if it meant he could see for himself that she was okay. When school ended he drove up to her job and asked if she was working that day. "Sweet cheeks? "Her slimy manager smirked lecherously which made Sam ball up his fists in disgust. Sam didn't want to know what he was thinking, but he did know if he didn't stop Sam couldn't control his fists connecting with Mr. Marquez's face. Noticing the much stronger boy was ready to fight, he cleared his throat and answered. "Haven't seen her in a few days. She called out. Said she was sick." Sam nodded and walked towards the door ready to search for Mercedes elsewhere. He was proud of himself for keeping his composure. Before he left her manager called out to him. "Oh if you do see her let her know her  _assets_ are certainly missed." He chuckled and Sam stalked towards him with a menacing scowl. Gripping him by the collar, Sam threatened, "stay away from her or I'll make you swallow your teeth." He pushed the much shorter man and left the diner, ready to find Mercedes. Luckily, he remembered where he dropped her off last week.

Driving up to her house, the neighborhood looked different in the daytime than it did at night. At night it was sort of peaceful, very quiet, but during the day it was kind of sad, very desolate. He parked his car and tried to avoid the many glances of people who sat on their porch or peered through their windows, silently sizing him up. He knocked on the door to the house he previously dropped Mercedes off and was a little shocked by who opened the door. There stood an older white woman with a full head of gray hair and thick coke bottle glasses. He watched as the wrinkly lady coughed and spit her phlegm into a dirty tissue. He tried to smile through it translated as a grimace.

"Sorry to bother you ma'am but is Mercedes Jones home?"

She looked at the young boy, comforted by his Aryan features. "That sounds like a colored name. Don't nobody by that name lives here."

He stood there shocked, partly hoping he had the wrong address, partly thankful Mercedes didn't live with this woman, and partly angered that perhaps Mercedes made sure he had the wrong address. He was about to turn away but he heard the racist woman clear her throat. "Mercedes Jones is that short, fat, black little girl that lives a few houses down. 2032."

Fighting against everything in him he turned away, deciding to focus his efforts on finding Mercedes and not telling that old racist woman how wrong she was. Before he left her porch he heard her call out, "You be careful in there young man. I heard that place is a real house of horrors."

He walked the short distance to 2032 fuming. He was angry with that woman for being who she was and angrier at himself for believing Mercedes trusted him enough to tell him where she lived. Two years ago, he used to go over to her house all the time. Now that she moved he didn't understand why everything had to be a big fucking secret. Why did everything change? Her walls were frustrating him to no end and he was two seconds away from walking away and wishing her a good life. Sam was tired of the lies and walking on eggshells hoping she would let him in. He was going to confront her. Lay everything out because he couldn't go on knowing something was wrong and she couldn't go on hiding from everyone. He knocked on the door, a little harder than he meant to and was a little surprised when it creaked open of its own volition. Cautiously he opened the door and stepped in, bracing himself for what he might find. He looked around a minute and took in his surroundings, thinking the old lady led him into an abandoned house. It was cold and damp. The moldy stench was making his throat constrict and there was no furniture around. The place was barren except the flickering light in the upstairs hallway. The floors were beyond dirty and he could see mice scurrying around in the kitchen. Did Mercedes run away? What could have happened to make her stay in this obviously uninhabitable place? He flinched when he heard a loud crash that came from somewhere upstairs. Did he step into some sort of robbery? Something inside made him want to investigate.

He could be running to his doom or he could find Mercedes. Without thinking, he took the steps two at a time gasping when his foot fell through one of the broken steps. Using his upper body he held onto the unstable banister and got his leg out the missing step. Regaining his momentum he burst towards the direction where he heard the sound and stopped when he saw a figure on the floor.

It was Mercedes laying lifeless on the floor of what appeared to be her room. Her lips, which days ago were pillow soft and inviting were now grayish and haggard. He checked her pulse to make sure she was still alive, relieved to find it was steady but weak. She was cold to the touch and Sam only knew he had to get her away from this place. Picking her up he jostled her in his arms cautiously taking the stairs. He remembered to sidestep the missing step holding her closer to his body. He watched as her head lolled around laying in his arms. Once he got outside, he wasted no time in calling an ambulance. Whatever it was that was going on with Mercedes was worse than he could have ever imagined.


	4. I Shall Believe Pt. I

Come to me now  
And lay your hands over me  
Even if it's a lie  
Say it will be alright  
And I shall believe  
I'm broken in two  
And I know you're on to me  
That I only come home  
When I'm so all alone  
But I do believe

That not everything is gonna be the way  
You think it ought to be  
It seems like every time I try to make it right  
It all comes down on me  
Please say honestly you won't give up on me  
And I shall believe  
And I shall believe

Open the door  
And show me your face tonight  
I know it's true  
No one heals me like you  
And you hold the key

Never again  
Would I turn away from you  
I'm so heavy tonight  
But your love is alright  
And I do believe

That not everything is gonna be the way  
You think it ought to be  
It seems like every time I try to make it right  
It all comes down on me  
Please say honestly  
You won't give up on me  
And I shall believe  
I shall believe  
And I shall believe

**\- I Shall Believe (Sheryl Crow)**

* * *

 

_He stood in the empty hallways by Mercedes' locker shocked. His cheek still stung from where Mercedes slapped him. He was sure there was an imprint of her small fingers on it. Mouth agape, he watched as her retreating figure left the building._

_All he wanted to do was protect her and show her he cared. To tell her that he saw her, really saw her. How did everything spiral out of control?_

* * *

Sam sat in her room and watched as her chest rose and fell. If he focused on the fact that she was breathing he could ignore where she was living. He could block out the images and the sounds associated with that horrible place and could replace the memory of finding Mercedes there all limp and near-death. He chose to focus on her breathing, on the ventilator that was helping her breathe and the IV that was ensuring she wasn't dehydrated. He ignored that somehow he felt responsible. That if he had spoken up sooner or been more determined to find out the truth he could have saved her. He stayed by her bedside staring at her chest rise and fall until he felt a pat on his shoulder.

"Thanks for bringing her here. And for calling me."

Sam turned and nodded slightly to the booming voice that thanked him. "No problem Mr. Jones." Sam hadn't seen Mr. Jones in a few years and hadn't heard Mercedes talk about her father for longer than that. But when he went to call her parents the last call on her phone was from her father. As soon as Sam called Mr. Jones he rushed to get to his daughter so maybe they had a good relationship. Sam hoped his assumption was correct. But judging from the look in Mercedes eyes' he was wrong. So wrong. Her eyes fluttered as she woke up and saw Sam's concerned eyes fixated on hers. He waited as she gave him a weak smile, which turned into a scowl once she looked over Sam's shoulders to find her father. In a garbled voice she choked out, "What is he doing here?" Sam had never seen her be mean or callous to anyone, even when they deserved it so he was shocked by the reaction she gave her father.

Mr. Jones patted his daughter's shoulder in a patronizing way. "Come on baby girl, don't be like that." Gathering all of her strength she pushed him away from her and turned her attention towards Sam.

"Where's my mother?" She asked, barely acknowledging her father.

Sam heard the distress in her voice and raised to stand by her side in case he needed to protect her. From what he didn't know, but he made a promise to an unconscious Mercedes that he would always be there to protect her and he was going to make good on his promise.

Sam watched Mr. Jones step away and answered Mercedes' question. "I told her where you were. She should be here in a few minutes."

"Melissa's on her way too," her father interjected.

The mere mention of the homewrecker's name made Mercedes' blood boil. How dare he bring her here knowing her mother would be by her side. He did this. He ruined everything. In her eyes she would not allow him to alleviate his guilt around being an absentee father, of choosing a woman over his daughter. Grabbing on to Sam she pulled on his sleeve and brought him closer. Looking deep in his eyes she whispered, "Please Sam get him out of here. It would upset my mom if she saw him." He nodded at her request. Sam looked at her and his heart swelled. She would never understand the magnitude of this moment. He was getting his heart's desire. She confided in him. She let him in. She was trusting him to look out for her mom. Despite thinking it was wrong that she was more focused on her mother's well being than her own, he obliged. Melting into her gaze he squeezed her hand "It'll be alright Mercedes. Everything is going to be fine." She let go of Sam finally at ease enough to give her body the rest it had been craving. Walking up to Mr. Jones he told him Mercedes was becoming distressed and maybe it was best if he came back later. Mr. Jones had no reason to entertain what his estranged daughter wanted or to listen to some teenaged boy. He was her father and he was going to make sure she was okay. Ever since they found out Melissa couldn't conceive, he had been trying to reach out to his baby girl. She would be his only chance at being a father and it didn't sit right with him that she couldn't stand to be near him. Yes he messed up but he never stopped loving her.

"Listen boy, you brought her in and that was real nice of you but you're not going to dictate whether or not I see my daughter."

"No offense sir," Sam began squaring his shoulders. "But I don't give a damn that you're her father. Right now she's stressed and she's weak. I'm not leaving her side."

Just as Mr. Jones was about to speak the door swung open and a frantic Leslie Walker sat in Sam's vacated chair inspecting her daughter.

Sam stood close to Mercedes and he watched Mr Jones and Ms. Walker verbally spar. It was like watching a tennis match between two aggressive players. Neither backing down, the verbal insults were escalating and Sam looked down to find Mercedes awake and struggling to breathe.

Mr. Jones was scared for his daughter. Instead of focusing on her recovery he lashed out at his ex-wife. "What the hell have you been doing Leslie? How did she get like this?"

"I've been doing a hell of a lot more than you James! I've been here day in and day out while you've been playing house with your child bride!"

Mercedes looked at Sam and he could see tears pool in her eyes and her chest heave erratically as she began to wheeze. All the while her parents continued bickering. She was suffering and everyone around her was too engrossed in their own drama to notice. It hurt his heart to realize she was just as ignored at home as she was at school. Taking action he called her nurse and yelled at the two 'adults' in the room. He would have to repent big time for disrespecting his elders but right now he didn't care.

In a harsh whisper he pointed to the trembling girl. "Can you two get over yourselves long enough to see that your daughter needs you?" Angry and thoroughly chastised, both snapped out of their mutual disdain for each other long enough to focus on their daughter. They flocked to Mercedes' bedside where her nurse increased her oxygen intake. Her doctor soon followed.

Holding out his hand in greeting he shook Mercedes parents' hands and greeted Sam whom he had met earlier. He took Mercedes' hand and asked how she was feeling. Turning to her parents he explained. "Mercedes has pneumonia. She told me she had a lingering cold but it went untreated and became walking pneumonia. To make matters worse her blood work came back showing severe vitamin and mineral deficiencies. I set up an appointment so you can meet our hospital's nutritionist and incorporate different foods for a more well balanced diet. We want to monitor her for a few days to make sure her immune system is strong enough to fight this." He walked over and patted Sam on the back. "Luckily he found her when he did. This young man saved your daughter's life. "

Elated, Mercedes' mom hugged Sam and repeatedly thanked him for saving her daughter. Seeing the worry in his eyes she led him out into the hallway and told him to go home. "Thank you for bringing her here but it's getting late and I know your parents must be worried about you. I'll let them know what you did, but in the meantime you should be getting home." He wanted to stay. He wanted to see that she was being taken care of but he could tell her parents cared about her so he relented. Nodding his head he agreed. "Yes Ma'am. I'll just go say goodbye. I apologize for my behavior earlier."

She hugged the remorseful boy again. "You have nothing to feel sorry about. Thank you again for everything."

Sam sidled up to Mercedes while her parents gave them some privacy. She reached up and gingerly let her pointer finger caress his cheek. He closed his eyes for a moment and allowed himself to delight in her touch. Opening his eyes he slowly inspected her body. Usually people staring at her body made her uncomfortable but with Sam she could tell it wasn't like Mr. Marquez's predatory gaze or Kurt's and her father's disgusted one. It was borne of pure concern. She smiled at him, rasping out "thank you."

He stayed staring at her and in a bold move took the hand that was on her cheek and laced it with his own. "I have to go now, but I'll be back. If you want someone to talk to please call me. I don't care what time it is, I'll answer."

She was exposed and there was nothing she could do about it. She felt naked under his gaze. He knew everything—all those things she meticulously and painstakingly tried to hide but he never looked at her differently. He probably pitied her, she probably disgusted him but he remained stalwart. He never left her side even after he found out the truth. She couldn't help but want him stay close by and that scared her because now that he knew, the damage he could inflict would be catastrophic.

He inched closer to her face and smirked when he saw her eyes close. Even with tubes up and down her arm she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Leaning in he placed a lingering kiss to her forehead and with a heavy heart left her.

In a daze he caught the bus from the hospital to her block, hoping his car was in the same condition he left it in. Driving past her house his mind kept replaying what he saw there. Everything was broken and unsafe. Who knows how long she lived in that situation. He gathered from their conversation Mercedes and her mother lived together and her father got remarried. Maybe Mr. Jones didn't know she lived like that. Her father needed to know.

Opening his door he surveyed his house and couldn't help the pang of guilt he felt. They had so much—clothes, food, furniture, love, stability and he couldn't help but feel bad for Mercedes. His parents were in the kitchen drinking coffee and waiting for him. They stopped talking and looked up as soon as he entered the room. "How is she honey?"

Sam looked at his mom willing himself not to cry, reminding himself he saw one day of what she may have been subjected to for years, telling himself the last thing Mercedes needed was his tears. He had more questions than answers and the little bit he did know only made him feel hopeless. "She's okay, mom."

Dwight Evans looked in his son's eyes and could tell he was leaving something out. "Well what happened? Her mother called and said she'll be in the hospital for a few days and you saved her life. How did you find her?"

Sam didn't want to answer. He couldn't wrap his head around what it all meant and he couldn't shake the image of finding her lifeless body from his mind. He wasn't protecting her like he promised he would. "Dad, what would you do if you had a friend in a bad situation, but you knew they would hate you for helping them?"

Mr. and Mrs. Evans looked at each other instantly knowing who their son was taking about. "I would help them. No ifs ands or buts about it. If I had the power to make their situation better, I would."

Mrs. Evans hugged her son. "The true measure of a friend is one who regardless of circumstance does what is in their friend's best interest. I'm so proud of you for saving Mercedes." She hugged him again and Sam sat in the kitchen alone with his thoughts. Mercedes was just starting to let him in, if he did what he planned he might lose her forever. He groaned loudly before whipping out his phone. Thankful Mr. Jones gave him his cell number in case anything happened at the hospital, he called Mercedes' father.

"Mr. Jones. I have something important to discuss with you. Can we meet tomorrow?" The die was cast and the stage was set. He hoped he was doing the right thing.

Mercedes came back to school the following week looking healthier than he had seen her look in a long time. His face lit up when he saw her sit next to him in Chemistry class. Before he could say anything Mercedes enveloped her arms around him in a warm embrace. Sam tried to memorize everything about the moment—her face, her touch, that alluring scent, the way her hair fell to her shoulder and tickled his neck. He knew it was possibly the last time he would be able to hold her.

In the middle of class the teacher asked Mercedes to step outside where a tall lady and a burly cop stood by the door frame. She could hear her classmates' whispers and turned around to see Sam look away from her. She whispered in a low voice only he could hear. "What did you do?"

When class ended Sam went in search of Mercedes finding her angrily taking her books out her locker. Running up to her he stopped once he saw the look on her face.

"Merce—"

She cut him off. "Don't talk to me. I knew I couldn't trust you."

"I was trying to help."

She couldn't hold it in anymore. Mercedes let him in and he betrayed her trust by going behind her back and calling a social worker. She hated that she was letting her mom down and now because of Sam's meddling her only family was being ripped away. She shoved him over and over. She kept poking his chest, trying to physically put space between them. "Do you know what you did? I may never see my mom again! Is that what you wanted? You ruined everything! Are you happy?!"

Grabbing her wrists to still her movements he brought her closer, looking in her eyes so she could see his sincerity. "I'm sorry about your mom but I did what was best for you."

"Who the hell do you think you are? What makes you think you know what's best for me? Why do you even care? No one else seems to!" The feelings she tried so hard to quash were bubbling to the surface and she couldn't stop her steady stream of tears from falling.

He swallowed, the lump in his throat becoming increasingly uncomfortable. Sam answered with his voice full of emotion. "You know why Mercedes, please don't make me say it."

Stepping slightly away she looked at him. "You've got a funny way of showing you care."

He held her closer and for a moment she relaxed, she allowed herself security in his embrace. But the moment was fleeting and her anger was stronger. She tensed in his arms. Pushing him away she watched as he stumbled before slapping him across the face. "Stay away from me," she warned slamming her locker shut and walking away.

The short girl might as well have trampled on his heart in heels, because in that moment that's exactly how he felt—heartbroken. It didn't matter though. He would rather be heartbroken and have her safe. Right now nothing mattered more than her safety. And yes, in this case he felt the ends justified the means. But glutton for punishment that he was he also felt hope. It was evident in the goofy grin he sported even as his cheeks tingled. Despite the circumstances, she opened up to him and in that moment, in that dank and dark hallway, he knew unequivocally and irrevocably that he would never give up on her.


	5. I Shall Believe Pt. II

Come to me now  
And lay your hands over me  
Even if it's a lie  
Say it will be alright  
And I shall believe  
I'm broken in two  
And I know you're on to me  
That I only come home  
When I'm so all alone  
But I do believe

That not everything is gonna be the way  
You think it ought to be  
It seems like every time I try to make it right  
It all comes down on me  
Please say honestly you won't give up on me  
And I shall believe  
And I shall believe

Open the door  
And show me your face tonight  
I know it's true  
No one heals me like you  
And you hold the key

Never again  
Would I turn away from you  
I'm so heavy tonight  
But your love is alright  
And I do believe

That not everything is gonna be the way  
You think it ought to be  
It seems like every time I try to make it right  
It all comes down on me  
Please say honestly  
You won't give up on me  
And I shall believe  
I shall believe  
And I shall believe

**\- I Shall Believe (Sheryl Crow)**

* * *

 

Mercedes was sitting in her father's house tossing the peas around on her plate and drowning out her father's wife pointless drivel as she reflected on the past month. She hated peas, but those were the small details someone would know if they were around you; if they truly took the time to get to know you. Her mom knew. Her mom always knew. It was her and Mercedes against the world for the past two years and now her world was tilted on its axis and she was stuck making fake niceties with the woman who helped tear her family apart and the man who only made contact when he found out she couldn't be replaced by a newer, shinier kid. Mercedes was miserable, truly and completely miserable. Completely broken in two. She would trade the warm showers and plush bed for her gallon of water and futon in a heartbeat if it meant living with her mom again. She looked around this foreign place with its foreign things and felt like an outsider.

She lifted the chicken, which was barely edible, and tried to eat it while actively ignoring Melissa's looks of disgust. She could tell the petite blond was put off by her appearance. Mercedes was never skinny and looking at her father it seemed to be genetic, but she hated the hypocritical way he mentioned her weight. He subtly left gym membership information in her book bag and Melissa had been bugging her to join her spin classes as a way to bond. He even offered up a new wardrobe if she lost weight. His 'love' didn't feel unconditional and she could see all the strings that were attached. Bored with picking at her food, she turned to her father and asked, "May I be excused?" He father obliged and she rushed to clean her plate and go to the solace her room provided. Slipping on her iPod (another guilt gift from her father) she listened to music until she fell into fitful sleep. Now that she wasn't working she was asleep by 9PM every night. This was pure unadulterated hell and her mind kept wandering to what she could have possibly done to deserve this.

* * *

 

Sam sat by the garden in the cafeteria. It was where he and Mercedes would have lunch during their two-day friendship. She hated eating in the cafeteria and he hated watching her eat alone so on the off days she actually ate lunch he would watch her reading a book. He sat watching her now, silently willing her to look at him. As if God heard his plea she looked up and their eyes met. He gave her a questioning smirk and she responded with a scowl, abruptly shutting her book and walking towards the auditorium. Sam was miserable, truly and completely miserable. He knew he did the right thing and he hoped in time she would see that. He was shocked to see that look of mistrust and disappointment in her eyes. Ever since the day she slapped him, she avoided Sam at all costs. A month had passed at the animosity only grew. She got her seat moved in Chemistry class and moved far away from him in the other classes they shared, made sure she never set foot near his locker, and used the side entrance in the mornings. He wanted to talked to her and tried to force the issue. It blew up in his face.

FLASHBACK

2 weeks ago

McKinley High School

Lima, Ohio

Sam was tired of the cold shoulder Mercedes was giving him. He knew she would be angry, but he didn't know she wouldn't listen to reason. He didn't care if she slapped him 1000 more times (actually he did. For someone who was tiny, she sure put a lot of power behind that slap) he couldn't live with himself if he turned a blind eye to her suffering. He was sad her mom got caught up in everything but he did what he had to do to protect Mercedes.

She bristled past him again, like he didn't exist and something came over him. He ran up to her and grabbed her arm, leading her into an empty classroom. He locked the door and moved a heavy desk in front of it, blockading them in the room until she heard him out.

She was furious. After several failed attempts to move the heavy desk, she relented and looked at him for the first time in days. He was happy she did, even when he saw the fire in her eyes.

"Look I know you probably hate me right now."

She scoffed and rolled her eyes, crossing her arms like he just said the most obvious thing in the world.

"But I'm not sorry I did what I did. And I would do it again."

Her focus wasn't on having someone in her life who cares. It wasn't on the fact that he saved her, it was on the fact that she lost the only person that mattered. "And  _you_  should have minded your business! I lost  _everything_ because of you! Why do care so much, huh? I worked hard to be invisible. Why couldn't you just leave it alone?"

"You could have  _died_  Mercedes!"

She stepped back and looked at him, really looked at him. His eyes were red and his voice was shaky. He really cared whether she lived or died. In that moment she was ashamed that she blamed everything on him and pushed him away. She loved her mother with everything that was in her but she was just beginning to realize how her mother's actions (or lack of action) led to her hospital stay. Still, her mom was all Mercedes had and she was currently two towns away staying with her sister and rebuilding her life so Mercedes could come home.

He pulled his hair in frustration and softened his voice. Gently he grabbed her face and cupped her cheeks forcing her to look him in the eyes. It was a quiet and intimate action that made her equal parts enraged and enraptured. "You were never invisible Mercedes, not to me. In fact," he chuckled ironically, "You were all I saw. You're all I see."

She shook her head and slowly backed away from his touch. "I can't trust you. I can't trust you and I will  _never_  forgive you. I could have died in the hospital but I'm dying slowly every day I'm away from my mom. Please, stay away from me."

In one swift motion she pushed the heavy desk away from the door, unlocked it and rushed out the room. Sam stood there watching her retreat. He was a little more broken than he was the last time she walked away from him.

Kurt watched as an angry looking Mercedes followed by a sad looking Sam left an empty classroom. He arched a perfectly sculpted eyebrow and decided to see what was going on between the two. With the exception of the little fit she threw when she quit Glee he hadn't noticed a change in her. But he did notice she and Sam got closer. "Sam?"

Sam sighed and turned around, giving his attention to Kurt Hummel. He thought Kurt was a good guy, he really did, but he found it hard to be friends with someone too self-involved to realize his 'best friend' was suffering.

"Yeah?" He didn't mean to sound harsh, but he knew anything Kurt had to say would make matters worse.

"What's going on with you and Mercedes? Are you two together?"

Her ears perking up at what she perceived as gossip, Tina rushed over and stood next to an equally nosy Kurt.

"Why does it matter to you?"

Kurt scoffed at Sam's attitude. "Excuse you?" Pointing between himself and Tina he added, "we're her best friends. Of course it matters to us."

Sam laughed. He had never been so disappointed in someone. "You're her best friends? Could have fooled me. When's the last time you spoke to her? Do you even know what's going on in her life? Why is she only worth noticing when you think she has a boyfriend? I thought you were better than that. I thought you both were." He turned around and walked away from them.

Kurt stood shocked. He and Tina were fully chastised and completely embarrassed. Sure he spent most of his time with Blaine, Rachel and Finn, but had he really neglected his best friend? Tina was feeling the pain too. So she was a little wrapped up in Mike. Maybe now that Mercedes had Sam she could understand. She didn't shut Mercedes out, she was just enjoying her relationship and Tina refused to feel guilty about that. Still something in the way Sam spoke about Mercedes unnerved her.

END OF FLASHBACK

After that disastrous encounter, Sam learned to keep his distance and even though it hurt him to his core he decided to honor her wishes, for now.

Mercedes woke up early Saturday morning and decided to sneak and see her mom. She was thankful her father bought her a car (another guilt gift). Visitation still wasn't worked out but she had gone weeks without knowing her mom was okay. To better her chances at the trial they decided to sever contact temporarily. That didn't mean they couldn't communicate through her aunt Coral, which they did every day. She was halfway out the door when hushed tones diverted her attention. She knew she shouldn't eavesdrop but she couldn't help it. She looked through the half-open bedroom door.

Melissa was pacing slowly as her father sat up in their bed.

"This isn't working, James."

"She's just having a hard time adjusting, give her time. She'll bounce back."

Melissa sighed. More than anything she wanted a child, but not like this. In her mind, Mercedes was too emotionally damaged to ever accept Melissa as her stepmother.

"She hates me. She hates  _you_. I keep trying to talk to her; trying to get her excited about losing weight so she could feel better about herself but she just shuts me out."

Mercedes was getting angrier and angrier the more she listened to the duo's conversation.

"Mel try. She's my daughter and I'm not giving up on her."

"Oh now she's your daughter. Interesting how she's your daughter when Leslie finally gets a petition for you to pay child support."

Mercedes gasped softly then covered her mouth. That's why he all of a sudden wanted to be in her life. He was punishing her mom.

"Shut up Mel! That may be why I started this but when that Evans boy told me how she was living I knew I had to get her out. She's my flesh and blood. I won't turn my back on her again."

Mercedes heard enough. She ran out the door as fast as her little frame could carry and drove someone she knew wouldn't give up on her.

It was Saturday morning and instead of sleeping in, Sam had to go outside and shovel the snow that fell. Although his family was well off, they never allowed their money to spoil their children or allow them to lax in their responsibilities. In fact all Evans children had chores and expectations they had to fulfill if they wanted money from their parents. Sam was secretly grateful for their rules seeing how money could corrupt families. As the snow fell, he strategized over what he could do to help Mercedes.

"Sam?" He looked up when he heard her voice. Mercedes sounded so fragile. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have pushed you away." Her chest was heaving in an effort to stave off her sobs. "I can't go back there. My dad doesn't want me. He never did. Nobody wants me." She was crying hard now and Sam went over and wrapped her in his arms. He kissed the top of her head. "I do. I want you Mercedes." She held on to him tightly and buried her head in his chest. She was so heartbroken she fell to the freshly shoveled ground with Sam still holding her. They stayed in each other's embrace, Sam lightly rocking them both, until he felt her shiver in his arms. Rubbing his arms along hers, Sam broke their silence. "We'll figure something out. I promise. It'll be alright." She nodded against his chest. For some strange reason, she believed him.


	6. Broken

_The broken clock is a comfort_

_It helps me sleep tonight_

_Maybe it can start tomorrow_

_From stealing all my time_

_And I am here still waiting_

_Though I still have my doubts_

_I am damaged at best_

_Like you've already figured out_

_I'm falling apart_

_I'm barely breathing_

_With a broken heart_

_That's still beating_

_In the pain_

_There is healing_

_In your name_

_I find meaning_

_So I'm holding on_

_I'm holding on_

_I'm holding on_

_I'm barely holding on to you_

_The broken locks were a warning_

_You got inside my head_

_I tried my best to be guarded_

_I'm an open book instead_

_And I still see your reflection_

_Inside of my eyes_

_That are looking for purpose_

_They're still looking for life_

_I'm falling apart_

_I'm barely breathing_

_With a broken heart_

_That's still beating_

_In the pain (In the pain) Is there healing?_

_In your name (In your name)I find meaning_

_So I'm holding on (I'm still holding)_

_I'm holding on (I'm still holding)_

_I'm holding on (I'm still holding)_

_I'm barely holding on to you_

_I'm hanging on another day_

_Just to see what you will throw my way_

_And I'm hanging on to the words you say_

_You said that I will be okay_

_Broken lights on the freeway_

_Left me here alone_

_I may have lost my way now_

_I haven't forgotten my way home_

_I'm falling apart_

_I'm barely breathing_

_With a broken heart_

_That's still beating  
In the pain (In the pain)_

_There is healing_

_In your name (In your name)I find meaning_

_So I'm holding on (I'm still holding)_

_I'm holding on (I'm still holding)_

_I'm holding on (I'm still holding)_

_I'm barely holding on to you_

_I'm holding on (I'm still holding)_

_I'm holding on (I'm still holding)_

_I'm holding on (I'm still holding)_

_I'm barely holding on to you_

**_Lifehouse-Broken_ **

* * *

They were huddled together out in the snow, Mercedes shivering and Sam holding the fragile girl close. He was extremely attentive. Any sniffle, any choked sob and he held her impossibly closer, trying to protect her from crumbling. She responded in kind, burrowing deeper into him as he gently nuzzled his cheek in her hair. He didn't know how long they were out there because it felt like they were suspended in time. He loved having her close. In fact he couldn't get enough of the way her frame perfectly molded to his or the way her scent mingled with the wind and made her presence ethereal. It must have been a while because he watched Mercedes scurry out of his embrace when she heard the front door swing open.

"Hey Sam," Dwight called out to his son. Looking at his dazed son who shot to his feet seconds after the bewildered girl next to him he asked, "Is everything okay? You've been shoveling for an hour." Looking past his son he saw Sam's childhood acquaintance standing slightly behind him. He waved at the short girl. "Mercedes? What are you doing out in this weather?" Dwight sensed he intruded on an intimate moment between the young duo. Ignoring his question she smiled and waved politely. "Hi Mr. Evans." She then returned her attention to Sam.

Mercedes felt it as soon as she stepped out of his hold. She wrapped her arms around herself in vain trying to bring back the warmth she felt being in his arms. He held her but it was more than that. He secured her. She was falling apart at the seams and he held her closely so she wouldn't fall to pieces. He was healing her. As if he read her thoughts he wrapped an arm around her shoulder and brought her closer. Whispering into her ear he spoke. "I'll be right back. I'm just going to go talk to my dad for a minute. Are you going to be okay?"

She nodded and watched as he walked towards his father.

Dwight smiled at the way his son looked at Mercedes, the way he always looked at her. His boy was smitten. "Is everything okay with Mercedes?"

Sam hating lying—not only because it was wrong but because he was bad at it. He could never get away with even telling his parents a half-truth let alone a bold-faced lie. But he was going to power through because it wasn't for him. It was for  _her_. "Yeah she's fine."

Dwight knew when his son was lying, but he also knew interrogating him in front of Mercedes wouldn't work. So he tabled it for the moment. "Your mother just made some hot chocolate." Dwight look past his son at the shivering girl moving away slightly. "Mercedes, come in. Have some hot chocolate. The roads are still too bad to travel on."

She shook her head, already feeling bad for burdening Sam. "Thanks Mr. Evans, but I should be getting home. I couldn't impose. Maybe some other time?"

She looked sad and weak. Dwight knew he was overstepping but he walked over to her and gave her a hug. He would like to think that if he wasn't around and Stacy ever looked like Mercedes did in that moment someone would take care of his little girl. "Darlin', you're shivering. Why don't you come inside and I'll let your parents know where you are."

She looked over at Sam before smiling at Dwight. "Thanks Mr. Evans. I'll just call my dad and let him know." Another lie. It wasn't lost on Dwight the look Sam and Mercedes exchanged.

He waved her in, Sam never leaving her side, and watched as she pretended to leave a message for her father.

Everything about the Evans home was warm and welcoming. Mrs. Evans was beautiful and kind as usual and Mr. Evans was as funny as she remembered. She wondered why her and Sam weren't as close as they used to be, but realized it was her fault. After her parent's divorce, she lived in a self-imposed prison and pushed all reminders of her old life behind. That included old acquaintances who treated her better than the friends she held on to.

"Mercedes, it's been ages," Mrs, Evans cooed, wrapping the short girl in a warm embrace. "You look beautiful as ever. How are your parents?"

She forced a smile on her face and answered. "They're fine."

"Well please have a seat. Stevie and Stacy spent the weekend at their grandparents so it's not as noisy as it usually is. We were just about to play a board game. Please join us."

Mercedes was laughing so hard her stomach hurt. She was having a great time with Sam and his parents. After getting bored with Chutes and Ladders and Yahtzee, the group decided to play Pictionary, which didn't bode well for Sam and Mercedes. They were a horrible team—Mercedes couldn't draw and Sam drew detailed masterpieces that took him too long to finish. They played 10 rounds never failing to laugh at what the teens tried to draw. It was the most fun Mercedes had in a long time and it made Sam's heart swell to hear Mercedes laugh genuinely. He looked over at Mercedes with an earsplitting grin on his face. Her laugh was music to his ears. He reflected on when he realized something was wrong with Mercedes and he realized it was the day she stopped laughing. Her laugh was infectious. It was impossible to see the pure enjoyment on her face and not smile. Her smile was the second thing to go. He noticed immediately because when she smiled joy radiated though her body. That's when everything started to dim.

When Mr. Evans got up to clear their plates she took a moment to look around. Being with the Evans made her feel at home, being near Sam made her feel lighter. She didn't have to hide and she wasn't invisible. How hadn't she noticed how amazing Sam Evans was before?

Dwight came back and noted the time. "The roads are clear now. You should be heading home Mercedes before it gets too dark" For the first time since entering the Evans home, she stiffened. Sensing her reluctance, Sam shot up. "Hey why don't I follow you in my car? Make sure you get home safely?" Already feeling guilty for monopolizing his Saturday, Mercedes politely declined. "Thanks but I'm sure I'll get home fine. I'll call when I get in." Ignoring her, he grabbed his coat and swiped his keys off the counter. "I'll be right back." He trailed behind her making sure she got in safely. When he noticed it took her a few minutes to open the door he got out of his car and walked towards her. She had her key out but her hand was trembling as she moved to unlock the door. She was heaving, seemingly choking on the air she breathed. He offered a hand to steady her but it became clear what happened. The thought of going back to her father was making her have an anxiety attack.

He held her closely and rubbed soothing circles in her back. She tried to regain her composure, furiously wiping any tears that fell. "I'm sorry Sam. First I push you away and then I cling to you. You must think I'm weak and pathetic." She hung her head low, ashamed of pulling Sam into her drama. He shook his head and used a finger to lift her chin, forcing her to look him in the eyes. "I think you're amazing. I'm not letting you go in there."

"Where am I going to go?"

Sam thought about it for a few seconds. He always did as he was told and always followed orders. He figured he had some rebelliousness to catch up on. "Leave your car here. You're coming with me."

She looked at him questioningly. "Sam your family is amazing. I don't want to ruin your relationship by asking you to lie for me." He didn't budge. The last thing she wanted was to get him in trouble, but she was also finding out how incredibly stubborn he could be. Giving up resisting, she turned and followed him to his car.

"We have a pool house that no one ever uses. It's just sitting there on the side of the house. No one will bother you there." She took the outstretched hand he offered and laced their fingers together.

They tiptoed into his house together, careful not to wake up his parents and thankful they only had to keep quiet for two people and not four. He led her to the pool house and slipped away for a minute. When Sam returned he handed her pillows and blankets and sat next to her until he saw her drifting to sleep.

Mercedes watched as he rose from the bed and caught his hand in hers. She asked in a still voice, "will you stay with me?"

He nodded slowly and sat back down. Sam knew there was something about Mercedes Jones that made it hard to deny any request she made. She didn't have to ask. He would have stayed with her forever. She lay down and reached behind herself to pull his arms around her waist. They stayed that way, in comfortable silence with her back to his front, until she fell asleep.

Sam held her close to his body for the second time that day. He loved being this close to her and he loved that she was letting him in. As he unabashedly breathed in her scent he reflected on his motives for helping Mercedes. He wanted to help his friend but it was more than that. It was as if his happiness depended on hers, as if her smile could make or break his day. He knew it felt greater than friendship, stronger than guilt or pity. He wasn't entirely sure but in his mind, his heart, it felt a lot like love. Knowing this made him equal parts happy and horrified. Mercedes was so broken; he didn't want to scare her off by coming on too strong. She already knew how he felt and that was enough for now. She'd let him know how she felt when she was ready.

He woke up earlier than normal knowing he would have to drive her back home but when he reached out he realized she was gone. He looked around and there was no trace of her, almost like she was never there. Sam sighed and rubbed his eyes after reading the text that she made it home safely. He ran to his own room hoping his parents wouldn't notice his bed wasn't slept in.

Their plan was working flawlessly. At night she would drive home and sneak out an hour later meeting Sam a block away from her house where he would sneak her into his. They were a little nervous, both uncomfortable sneaking around, but it was going great. Mercedes hadn't slept so soundly in two years and Sam had the peace of mind that she was safe. By the middle of the week their arrangement was beginning to show cracks. The next day it collapsed entirely.

Sam snuck back to his room at midnight, aching to be near Mercedes when he finally went closed his eyes. He was awakened by arrhythmic knocks on his front door. Sam saw the hallway light turn on and his heart started pounding when he heard his father's gruff voice. Bounding down the steps he turned to see Kurt standing at the door, wild and glassy eyed.

"Sam, have you seen Mercedes? Her dad called and said she never came home last night." Kurt was ashamed. He didn't know her parents got a divorce let alone that she was living with her father. Sam was right. What kind of a friend is he?

Sam scoffed. "You have some nerve. I bet you didn't even know her parents were divorced."

Kurt rolled his eyes. He knew this wasn't going to be easy. "Look if you hear anything just let her dad know. He's worried sick."

Sam was about to speak but thought better of it. Instead, he slammed the door in Kurt's face. He was angrily grumbling when he turned around, forgetting his dad was standing behind him the whole time.

"Where is she son?"

Sam stood in front of his father determined not to spill Mercedes' whereabouts.

Walking past his son, Dwight walked right over to the pool house and was startled when Sam stood in his way. He looked up to see the tears in his son's eyes. "Whatever's going on with Mercedes can't be fixed by you hiding her. You're just going to make it worse."

"But she can't go back there. She's miserable."

"Is he hitting her? Abusing her in any way?"

Sam shook his head. "Then right now you've kidnapped his daughter and made this whole family liable. She's going home tonight. Tomorrow you're going to tell me everything and we're going to figure out a way to help."

He was completely heartbroken. She trusted him and he let her down again. "Please, just let me be the one to tell her?"

Dwight grumbled but conceded. "Five minutes. Then I'm driving her back myself."

Sam opened the door slowly, trying to delay the inevitable.

She shot up as soon as she heard his footsteps nearing the bed.

"I'm so sorry Mercedes. My dad found out. He's taking you back in a couple of minutes."

She looked up at him and smiled. "It's okay Sam, really. I'll go back. I'm sorry I put you in this position." She was tired of being everyone's second choice. Mercedes mom chose her pride over her daughter's welfare. Her father chose his new wife over her, and her friends chose everything over their friendship. But not Sam. In the utter chaos and destruction that surrounded her, he remained the one constant in her life. He was her own personal lighthouse that guided her to safety.

"Sam I want you to know, need you to know that despite all of this I wouldn't change a thing because it brought me you. You're my best friend and the best person I know."

She gazed up at him and saw his pained expression. She stood on her tiptoes and grabbed the nape of his neck so their foreheads touched. Looking in his eyes she knew what he wasn't going to say.  _I want to be more than your friend._

She kissed him gently and caressed his cheek whispering against his lips, "I know. I want you to be more. Give me time."

He nodded with closed eyes and sucked his lips in, trying to savor the remnants of her taste. She slipped her hand in his and brought his hand to her mouth, which caused him to open his eyes. "Can you come with me to visit my mom?"


	7. Ever the Same

_We were drawn from the weeds_

_We were brave like soldiers_

_Falling down under the pale moonlight_

_You were holding me like someone broken_

_And I couldn't tell you but I'm telling you now  
Just let me hold you while you're falling apart_

_Just let me hold you and we'll both fall down_

_Fall on me_

_Tell me everything you want me to be_

_Forever with you_

_Forever in me_

_Ever the same_

_We would stand in the wind_

_We were free like water_

_Flowing down_

_Under the warmth of the sun_

_Now it's cold and we're scared_

_And we're both been shaken_

_Yeah, look at us man_

_This doesn't need to be the end_

_Just let me hold you while you're falling apart_

_Just let me hold you and we'll both fall down_

_Fall on me_

_Tell me everything you want me to be_

_Forever with you_

_Forever in me_

_Ever the same_

_Call on me_

_And I'll be there for you_

_And you'll be there for me_

_Forever it's you_

_Forever in me_

_Ever the same_

_You may need me there_

_To carry all your weight_

_But you're no burden I assure_

_You tide me over_

_With a warmth I'll not forget_

_But I can only give you love_

_Fall on me_

_Tell me everything you want me to be_

_Forever with you_

_Forever in me_

_Ever the same_

_Call on me_

_And I'll be there for you_

_And you'll be there for me_

_Forever it's you_

_Forever in me_

_Ever the same  
Forever with you_

_Forever in me_

_Ever the same_

_Ever the same_

**_Rob Thomas-Ever the Same_ **

* * *

 

Sam sat up on his elbows and looked on his right to the girl whose face was illuminated by the moonlight. "Are you ready for tomorrow?"

She drew out a deep breath and turned to him, lacing their fingers together. "Yeah. I think I am."

They laid beside each other on sleeping bags watching Stevie and Stacy point out stars and planes in the clear night sky.

It had been a week since Mercedes went back with her father but it only brought the teens closer together. He was relieved she was slowly letting him in. She was different, more at peace. He marveled at the changes he saw. Their interactions and touches, which were once clearly platonic, were beginning to toe the line between friends and something more. Now more than ever he wanted to be her something more. Every day held new purpose every action held new meaning. He loved when she let him hold her because he could feel her getting stronger, despite the fact that they were both falling apart a few weeks ago. The girl he held had changed. She was no longer broken and he felt her healing in his arms. Something shifted in their embraces—he seemed to draw more comfort from them. He needed to feel her, wrap her in his arms. Her security reassured him. He felt the moment she became stronger than him and it felt bittersweet. Truth be told he needed her comfort more than she needed his nowadays. Subconsciously feeling her wrapped in his arms let him know she was okay. It chased away the continuous nightmares of when he found her, of carrying her limp body, of her house and the hospital. It pushed aside the thoughts of what would have happened if he arrived 20 minutes later, or worse, not at all. It was as if she sensed him crumbling. She would hold him closer and whisper affirmations in his ears. She would rub soothing circles on his back in the same manner he once needed to for her. She hadn't let him in fully but he enjoyed the small glimpses she allowed. Somehow he knew one she let him completely in, she wouldn't need him anymore.

Dwight Evans stepped outside and reminded them that Mercedes should be going home. He had been doing that a lot lately. She spent countless hours at the Evans household, helping Stevie and Stacy with their homework and gardening with Mary. Dwight even let her cook in his sacred kitchen (he'd never tell her but she made the best spaghetti sauce he ever tasted). He was surprised how fast she endeared herself to his family. In a short time Dwight felt like Mercedes was his daughter, same as Stacy and just like all his other children he would protect and go to bat for her, no questions asked. He could see the hurt in her eyes, but he could see she was trying to push through it. He and Sam still hadn't talked in detail about her situation, but after talking to her father and seeing for himself that she was in no physical harm, Dwight was resigned to let her stay with her father. He could tell she wasn't ready to talk about what happened, at least not to him. He realized that when every time he tried to casually bring it up she not so subtly changed the subject. Still, he couldn't shake the feeling that something was off and he could see it in her face every time he reminded her it was time to leave.

Sam hated this part. He hated watching her deflate at the mention of 'home.' He would have hidden her away forever if it meant she didn't have to go back. She never told him the particulars of what happened when Dwight took her back, but it seemed her father went back to not caring since Mercedes spent most of her time at his house anyway. Her situation made him furious. She was amazing and her parents didn't care to notice. He hoped she knew, she  _felt_  what she meant to him. Standing with her he watched as she hugged his family and walked her to her car.

Opening her car door he waited until she got situated before closing it. He then crouched down and braced himself on the door, leaning in to speak to her through the window she rolled down "are you sure you're okay to go back by yourself? I can go with you."

She smiled at his offer, grateful to have such a considerate friend. "I should be fine. Thanks though. Besides I'm meeting you bright and early to go to my Aunt's and you need your rest."

Sam couldn't ignore the pang of sadness that ran through him. She was right. He was tired, but it felt like she was slowly pushing him away. Still, he returned her smile and kissed her forehead. "Call me when you get in." She nodded and he stood, watching her car pull out of the driveway.

It was 7AM when she texted him that she was outside. He knew because his eyes stung trying to adjust to the light that shone in his room. He knew it as he jumped in the shower and got dressed taking a deep breath before hopping in the passenger side of Mercedes' car. "Good Morning." Sam waited a few seconds before she responded. She seemed a little distracted. "Hey are you okay," he asked, nudging her shoulder slightly to get her attention.

She turned to Sam offering him a warm smile. "I'm fine. Let's do this."

Sam felt she was keeping something from him, but waved it off realizing he was always extra sensitive whenever Mercedes was concerned. It could also have something to do with him being nervous as hell. The last time he saw Ms. Walker things didn't go so well and for all he knew she could blame him for taking Mercedes away. He needed Mercedes' mom to like him and he hoped she understood how difficult it was to tell Mr. Jones about their living situation. He hoped she knew it wasn't done out of malice or anger but out of concern and affection for her daughter.

He became more alarmed when their lively conversation began to taper off the closer they got to their destination. He could tell she was torn about something but she wasn't letting him in. "You know you can tell me anything right," Sam asked, cutting through the silence that suddenly fell. "What's on your mind?"

Mercedes kept her eyes on the road and shrugged. "I just really miss her."

The guilt rolled off Sam in waves at Mercedes' statement and he turned to look out the window. He had some part in her sadness. Because of events that he put in motion she had to drive an hour away to see her mother. Maybe she invited him so he could see what his actions caused. Maybe she was pulling away because she couldn't stand being so close to someone who helped rip her family apart. Mercedes was sitting right next to him but in that moment Sam felt that they were miles apart.

When they finally arrived Sam felt like his heart was going to fall out of his chest. He followed behind her slowly and stopped when she suddenly turned around. Grabbing his hand she held it close to her chest. "Before we go in there I just want to say thank you for being here with me. I couldn't do this without you." He nodded, shocked by the sincerity and vulnerability of her words. "There's no place else I'd rather be," he answered truthfully shocked that despite the anxiety he would rather be right here by Mercedes' side. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes and knocked on the door. A few seconds later the door burst open and Mercedes was swept up in her mother's embrace.

"Oh pretty girl let me take a look at you." Leslie pulled her daughter away and looked at her appraisingly. "You are even more beautiful than the last time I saw you." She kissed her daughter and wiped the tears from Mercedes' eyes. "Come on in," she offered, just noticing the tall blondish boy standing behind her daughter.

"Hello Ms. Walker. It's nice to see you again." Sam hoped his nerves didn't show. Apprehensively he smiled and offered her his hand to shake. She raised one eyebrow and pushed his hand away. Walking closer she hugged him and pushed him inside. "It's nice to see again Sam. Thank you for looking after her."

They only had a few hours before Ms. Walker had to go to work and Sam watched fondly as Mercedes and her mother animatedly talked and caught each other up on their lives. They soon realized they preferred talking face to face as phone conversation were quickly becoming stilted. Mercedes was overwhelmed. She was actually sitting next to her mom, placing her head on her shoulders as her mom cradled her. Occasionally they brought Sam into the conversation but for the most part it was them catching up. He felt like he was intruding, like he didn't belong. He noticed Mercedes withdrawal a little as her mom began getting ready for work. Tossing her a look of concern, Mercedes shook her head, trying to let him know there was nothing to worry about. But Sam knew better. Clearing her throat Mercedes reached into her bag and pulled out some papers.

"Mom?"

Leslie stopped looking for her keys, sat on the couch, and gave her daughter her undivided attention. "Yes, sweetie?"

"I love you more than anything in this world."

"I love you too."

"And I hope you don't hate me for doing this but I have to do what's best for me." With a trembling hand and a pounding heart, Mercedes slid the papers in front of her mother.

Leslie furrowed her brow and picked up the papers. Sam leaned forward after Leslie slammed the papers back down.

"What the hell is this!"

Too afraid to look her mom in the eye, Mercedes looked to the ground and answered. "I need you to sign these."

"How can you say you love me when you want me to sign away my parental rights? I'm your mother!"

She couldn't stop the tears that fell if she wanted to. "I know! You'll always be my mother and I love you more than anything. I just need to do this."

"Is this why you brought him here," she asked pointing to a shocked and confused Sam. "To embarrass me? To make a fool of me? Wow, you're James' daughter through and through."

"Mom stop. Please don't do this. Please don't make this about dad." She was full on sobbing now. "I'm doing this because of Sam, because he showed me I was someone worth caring for. I'm doing this for me because I have to look out for myself since no one else did. You didn't protect me. You never put my best interest first. Why was your pride worth more than my safety? Why is it I felt safer in Sam's arms in two minutes than I ever did being your daughter?"

"I won't sign this," Leslie said furiously shaking her head at the petition for emancipation papers in her hand. "I'm not a bad mom. So we fell on some hard times. I'm dong this for you. I'm doing this so we can have a fresh start. Please baby. Please don't do this to us. Don't be selfish." Leslie sounded heartbroken.

"Some hard times?" Mercedes was furious now and finally had the strength to look in her mother's eyes." Mom, I almost died! We were in a rundown house and I chose being with you over  _everything_  and you call me selfish? You know what's fucking selfish? Seeing your daughter shivering and being too damn bitter to ask your ex husband for the child support you're entitled to so you can pay the gas bill. You've had 17 years to take care of me. Now I'm asking,  _begging_  you for the chance to let me take care of myself. " She took the pen off the table and put it in her mother's hand. "Please sign the papers."

Leslie slumped into the couch looking thoroughly defeated. Wiping the tears from her eyes she numbly took the pen and signed her parental rights away. She stood, walking away from her daughter and said in a low voice, "Get out."

Mercedes stood barely registering what just happened grabbed the papers and her bag and made her way to the door with Sam following mutely behind her.

"Give me your keys," he demanded. "You're in no condition to drive." Without responding she handed her keys over to him and sat on the passenger side. After 30 minutes of complete silence she looked over at Sam and was surprised by what she saw. He was fuming. His cheeks were red and she was sure he wouldn't have any molars at the rate he was grinding his teeth. Still he kept his eyes on the road although his vice-like grip on the steering wheel was turning his knuckles white.

In all of the drama she didn't consider how Sam would have felt. Right now she felt bad for involving him at all. He was her ally, her safe haven. When nothing else made sense she could turn to him and without fail he would restore order to her distorted world. Now a selfish and impulsive decision threatened to tear apart her last remaining friendship.

"Sam, I'm sorry for asking you to come along."

He let out a huff. Deciding he couldn't take any more he pulled over to the side of the road and took the keys out of the ignition. He unbuckled their seatbelts and turned to her. "You don't get it do you? You don't know all the ways you just hurt me by pulling that."

She turned to him defensively crossing her hands over her chest. "I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you. You mean the world to me, but I have to do what's best for me. After talking to the social worker she listed emancipation as one of my options. I'll be 18 next year and there are a lot of financial aid programs and grants out there for people like me so I did what I thought was best."

He uncrossed her arms and asked her softly, "What about me?"

"What do you mean what about you? Sam, I did this for me! I finally stood up for myself. A little support would be nice."

"Me. Me. Me... That's all I've been hearing since we left your aunt's house. What about me Mercedes? What about the promise you made to me that we would figure this out together? What about us? We were supposed to talk to my dad. I thought we were in this together."

She turned away from him and looked out at the clearing in the window. His question was suffocating her. She hated how much his words shook her to her core. "We can't be in this together. I just came in and ruined your perfect life. I don't want to keep leaning on you, burdening you—it's not fair."

He pulled her close and looked into her eyes. "You are  _not_  a burden Mercedes. You are the strongest person in know. In fact, I'm the one who has been leaning on you. I need you more than you need me. Just tell me who you need me to be and I'll be that person for you. As long as I'm alive you will never be alone. Promise me you won't push me away."

She leaned into his chest and wrapped his arms around her. "I promise."


	8. Chaos

_Complication is my claim to fame_  
I can't believe there' s another, constantly just another  
and I can't avoid what I can't control  
I'm losing ground, still I can't stand down  
I Know, yeah I know… Yeah

 _I know you stay true when my world is false_  
everything around's breaking down to chaos  
I always see you when my sight is lost  
everything around's breaking down to chaos

 _I know you stay true when my world is false_  
everything around's breaking down to chaos  
I always see you when my sight is lost  
everything around's breaking down to chaos

 _It's hard to trust anyone again_  
after all the let downs I've been through,  
haunted by what I've been through.

 _Air's still trapped, while I still can't breathe_  
and I'm screaming out, give me help somehow  
I know, yeah I know… Yeah

 _I know you stay true when my world is false_  
everything around's breaking down to chaos  
I always see you when my sight is lost  
everything around's breaking down to chaos

 _I know you stay true when my world is false_  
everything around's breaking down to chaos  
I always see you when my sight is lost  
everything around's breaking down to chaos

_Chaos, chaos_

_I know you stay true, yeah  
I know you stay, yeah, yeah, yeah_

_I know you stay true when my world is false_  
everything around's breaking down to chaos  
I know you stay.

 _I know you stay true when my world is false_  
everything around's breaking down to chaos  
I know you stay.

_I know you stay true and everything around's breaking down  
I know you stay true and everything around's breaking down_

_I know you stay true when my world is false_  
everything around's breaking down to chaos  
I always see you when my sight is lost  
everything around's breaking down to chaos

 _I know you stay true when my world is false_  
everything around's breaking down to chaos  
I always see you when my sight is lost  
everything around's breaking down to chaos  
**Chaos-MuteMath**

* * *

 

The last couple of days had been hectic for Mercedes. Her mother stopped taking her calls and she worked up the courage to tell her father she didn't want to live with him anymore. He looked hurt, but soon his hurt turned to anger and that anger changed into spite. Gone were the high tech electronics and hybrid car her guilt gifted her with. He even asked for his keys back, effectively shunning her. Before she left she told him not to worry and to explore the adoption pamphlets Mel carelessly left around the house. Maybe he'd finally have the child he wanted. It seems his love was conditional. She was already shown what unconditional love looked like and had no interest in anything less. Her talk with the social worker prepared her for this outcome. Surprisingly a few people stepped up and offered her temporary guardianship until her emancipation hearing including Burt Hummel and Dwight Evans. She felt like her world was collapsing but she knew every step towards independence would bring her closer to the person she wanted to be.

It was her first night at the Evans' and they went out of their way to make her feel comfortable. It was still awkward around Sam—they got things out in the open but everything remained unresolved. She wondered what he meant when he said he needed her more than she needed him, but she dropped it and pushed the entire conversation out of her mind. He was shocked but relieved when his parents told him Mercedes would be staying with them for a while. Sam was hurt that she didn't tell him about it and he could feel her slipping further away. Unbeknownst to him she wanted it that way. When she sat down and told his parents what happened she begged that they keep it between them, adding that she would tell Sam when she was ready.

To show her gratitude for their hospitality, Mercedes cooked dinner for the Evans and had a great time. They went out of their way to make her feel comfortable and respected her privacy. They even let her stay in the pool house. All night she avoided Sam's curious eyes and tried to ignore his heartbroken expression interacting instead with his siblings and parents. When she offered to do the dishes Sam saw it as his opening and volunteered to help. He leaned on the counter watching her focus intently on cleaning the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher. It would be amusing watching her try to avoid him if it didn't hurt so much. "I thought you said you wouldn't push me away," he said taking the dish out of her hand and forcing her to look at him.

"I'm not, okay? It's been a long week and I'm thinking through some things, but I don't want you to go anywhere and I'm not pushing you away."

"Then why are you complicating things? Why all the secrecy? Just let me in."

She looked in his eyes and could see the hurt. It damn near broke her knowing she was the cause. Suddenly needing space she excused herself. "They're almost done. Could you put the last ones in? I'm going to take a shower." She said goodnight and walked towards the pool house.

"Damn it," Sam pounded a frustrated fist on the counter before putting the last of the dishes in the dishwasher.

Dwight walked in and patted a comforting hand on his son's shoulder. "What's got you so troubled?"

Sam turned around and wiped his hands on the dishtowel." It's Mercedes. She still doesn't trust me and everything I try to do only pushes her away."

"When you've been through what she's been through you it takes time before you open up. Stop pushing her and let her come to you. Trust me, you won't regret it."

He smiled and hugged his father but tensed when he added, "And don't forget the rules...I see the way you look at her. There will be no babies made in my house."

Sam's face turned beet red as he excused himself to go check on Mercedes.

She just got out of the shower and stared at herself in the full length cheval mirror in the dressing area. She looked down at her legs and ran a hand over her stomach. The scratches where the mice would run up her body were fading and along with them all of the physical remnants of her two-year ordeal. Her nails were clearer, less yellow and her skin returned back to its familiar smooth, supple texture. Her emotional and mental healing would take some time but she was happy to see the strides she already made. She was still that person who put her mother's well being ahead of her own but she was learning how to become someone who puts their well-being above everything else. It was a struggle but with time and perspective she was getting there—and Sam. She could never forget the impact he had made in her life. He helped her realize it was okay to put herself first. She wasn't a bad daughter or friend for taking care of herself. She had never met someone so unknowingly selfless and knew she could trust him with anything. But he was becoming more than a friend and that scared her.

He was her ally. In her distorted and corroded world he was her solace, her resting place and safe haven. Would he still want to be in her life if he heard what she went through? She wondered what Sam would think if she showed him, if she let herself be completely vulnerable with him and told him her story. What if she laid everything bare and he rejected her? Mercedes knew she had to tell him soon because keeping it all inside was beginning to hurt. Every interaction they had without him knowing everything felt false, shrouded by the feelings and experiences she masked. She was beginning to feel disjointed, dishonest and came to the realization that she actually wanted him to know what her life had been like. She was supposed to be content to live in the background, but now all she wanted for him to know everything. He came into her life and disarmed her defenses, now she couldn't imagine him not in her life. He chased away all the ghosts that haunted her and talked louder than the doubts that whispered in her ears and made it hard for her to trust. She must have been thinking too long because she heard a light tap on the door.

"Mercedes are you okay?"

She took a deep breath and shook her head trying to psyche herself up for telling Sam the truth. When she opened the door, she could see the concern laden in his celadon eyes.

She grabbed his hand and laced it with hers, walking him to the bed and beckoning him to take a seat beside her. "I want to tell you something,  _need_  to tell you something." Looking down at their still entwined hands, she smiled and felt him squeeze her hand reassuringly. "When we first moved I was so  _angry_. I hated that my dad kicked us out, abandoned us. I begged my mom to get another place and told her dad should have been the one to move but she didn't listen." She cleared her throat, trying in vain to mask the tremble in her voice. "But I saw my mom and she was so strong. If she could get over her pain, so could I. I forced it down and tried to put on a brave face. She found me a dresser and I was so excited. It was kind of pathetic, but that was our first piece of furniture. I saw how proud my mom was that she was able to buy it so I didn't complain. I was wrong. I thought staying with her in that situation would make her happy. It only proved to make us both miserable."

Taking a deep breath she rolled up a leg on her pajama bottoms to reveal the small almost invisible scratches that ran up her leg. "She couldn't afford a bed so I slept on the floor. The insulation in the house was bad and the windows were drafty. I just remember always being so cold," she said wrapping her arms around herself as if telling Sam transported her back to the house. "I had to wear a coat to go to bed and the floor was so damaged by termites that there would be splinters poking up and pushing against my back and legs. I remember knowing when the mice would mate because there would be hundreds of them running in the ceiling and along the walls. At night it was worse—I remember finding bite marks in my remote and homework in the morning and they would run up my legs when I went to sleep. I know they don't look like much, but there they are." She pointed to her leg. "I was going to let it keep happening until you saved me…in move ways than one. You're the truest thing in my world and I'm grateful for you."

Mercedes looked different, lighter to him as if telling her story lifted the load on her shoulders. He felt like he was seeing her for the first time in a long time and he wanted to etch this moment in his mind. Sam mindlessly traced the barely noticeable scars, entranced by how insignificant they'd look to anyone who didn't know their story, realize their journey. There was an intimacy in the moment that felt more passionate than any kiss or touch, borne out of true honesty and complete trust. Sam couldn't help but be awestruck by this incredibly brave woman. He didn't even notice the tear he shed on them. Without thinking he leaned forward and pressed his lips to one of her scars, his eyes never leaving hers. He immediately regretted the impulse. Silently he admonished himself, knowing he had to be gentle with her and shouldn't make a move when she wasn't ready. Every day he had to stop himself from acting on his feelings and remember to give her time.

She felt dirty and ashamed after her confession but his kisses made her feel clean. Sam was slowly washing away the past two years and making everything new. The care he always took with her, the patience he displayed, left her with butterflies in her stomach. For the first time in her life she felt cherished. She knew it was selfish and irrational but she didn't care. They had a moment of unfiltered honesty and she wanted to go for broke and follow her instincts. Slowly she lifted him up so his face hovered in front of hers and she could feel their breath comingling in the small space between them. She was sure his heartbeat resembled hers, his breathing sure did but she wasn't going to let fear govern her emotions anymore. Her small hands framed his face as her lips drew closer to his. She poured all of her emotions into the kiss which started as small tentative pecks and grew into long, contented kisses. Every part of him felt on fire and he was slowly melting into her touch. With every nip and nibble, she was testing his resolve. He was trying to give her the time she requested but he could feel her passion, it was genuine, and it wouldn't let him hold back any longer. He responded in kind cradling her close and when she moved her hands from his face to the nape of his neck tugging his short blonde locks, his mouth automatically opened for her, his tongue exploring.

They leisurely fell back on the bed, still connected, with Sam being careful not to put all of his body weight on her. His hands trailed over her body stopping to admire every dip and curve. Mercedes' leg wrapped around his and he felt himself getting excited…too excited. They were on the brink and he could tell they had to slow down before they went too far. His hands were entering dangerous territory and he stopped when he heard her whimper in his mouth. Reluctantly he rolled off of her as he tried to catch his breath. Looking over at her he saw her dazed and hooded eyes trying to understand what just happened. He stood and began pacing, nervously carding a hand through his hair. "I'm so sorry Mercedes. I went too far." She stood up and placed her hands on his arms to still his movements. Closing her eyes she licked her lips, savoring his taste on her lips. "You didn't go anywhere I didn't want you to." He was about to lean in for another kiss when he heard a knock at the door.

"You two know the rules…no more than five minutes alone. It's been six minutes. Sam…go to your room."

He sighed and dropped his arms from her embrace. Begrudgingly, he kissed her forehead while sneaking one last chaste kiss on her lips. "Can we talk in the morning?" She nodded and gestured to the door, knowing Mr. Evans was 30 seconds from kicking it down. "Sweet dreams."


	9. Look After You

_If I don't say this now I will surely break_

_As I'm leaving the one I want to take_  
Forgive the urgency but hurry up and wait  
My heart has started to separate

 _Oh, oh,_  
Be my baby  
Ohhhhh  
Oh, oh  
Be my baby  
I'll look after you

 _There now, steady love, so few come and don't go_  
Will you won't you, be the one I'll always know  
When I'm losing my control, the city spins around  
You're the only one who knows, you slow it down

 _Oh, oh_  
Be my baby  
Ohhhhhh  
Oh, oh  
Be my Baby  
I'll look after you  
And I'll look after you

 _If ever there was a doubt_  
My love she leans into me  
This most assuredly counts  
She says most assuredly

 _Oh, oh_  
Be my baby  
I'll look after you  
After You  
Oh, oh  
Be my baby  
Ohhhhh

 _It's always have and never hold_  
You've begun to feel like home  
What's mine is yours to leave or take  
What's mine is yours to make your own

 _Oh, oh_  
Be my baby  
Ohhhhh  
Oh, oh  
Be my baby  
I'll look after you

_You are so beautiful to me (repeat)  
**Look After You-The Fray**_

* * *

 

Mercedes woke up early to cook breakfast for the family. She would be forever grateful to the Evans for taking her in and she resolved to do whatever she could to make their lives easier. This morning it was making everyone breakfast, tonight it would be helping Stevie with his homework. Mr. and Mrs. Evans always protested and urged her to treat their home as she would her own but after years of living in an unstable environment that seemed an impossible feat. She wasn't sure what 'home' was supposed to feel like but she knew she was slowly finding it in a person and not in a place.

Her thoughts drifted to Sam as she placed his favorite sausage in the pan. He was beginning to take residence in her heart in a way no one else could. Sam made it easy to forget her situation and her impending emancipation hearing. With Sam by her side she had allowed herself to hope and think about the future. She allowed herself to finally be a teenager. She was shocked at how quickly things escalated last night but was even more surprised at how she welcomed the change. For the first time in a long time, she was excited about what the day could bring and she knew it was because of the dirty blond currently shuffling into the kitchen. Leaning over the counter to watch her cook he smiled. She probably didn't know how adorably domestic she looked in that moment, biting her lip as she concentrated on turning the sizzling sausage over. Hoping her focus was on cooking and not the enticing plate of sausage to her side, he took a chance and reached for a piece before pulling his hand back when she whacked it with the spatula.

"You can wait 10 minutes until everything is done." She turned to him and smiled amusingly. The action eased his nerves and helped quiet the anticipation he felt over discussing last night's events.

He reached over and kissed her neck. He was relieved that she leaned into his touch. "I can't help it. Everything looks so good."

She took the last of the sausage out the pan, turned off the stove and laughed as he wiggled his eyebrows. Turning to give him her full attention she stood on the tips of her toes and softly kissed his lips, wrapping her arms around his neck. Eyes still closed he smiled trying to accept the fact that this was real and she wanted him too. His lips still tingled from their kiss and he licked them, elated to taste the remnants of her mango butter lip gloss. "It is now." She tugged on his shirt lightly, hoping the action would make him open his eyes. "You know what would make it better?"

Bending slightly forward he asked huskily, "What?" Without missing a beat she went over to the stack of plates and put them in his hands. "If you would help me set the table." He spun around but not before peering back at her playfully. "Tease."

She shrugged then giggled as the rest of the Evans made their way into the kitchen.

Dwight rushed in still fixing his tie as his family gathered around the table. "What's all this," he asked brushing a kiss to his wife's lips.

Stacy bounced in her chair. "Mercedes made breakfast." The little girl cringed when Mercedes put a few pieces of cantaloupe on her plate.

Mary looked around the table and smiled. "Honey you didn't have to do this."

Pouring coffee for the eldest Evans she looked up and smiled at the kind woman. "I know."

They descended into easy conversation before everyone realized they had to leave soon. Mary looked at Stacy's plate in amazement. "Sweetheart, you ate all your fruit?" Everyone who knew the little girl could vouch for her aversion to anything healthy. It was always a chore to get her to look at fruit let alone eat it.

The little girl nodded excitedly. "I did because I'm a princess. Mercedes said princesses eat their fruits and vegetables."

She winked at the little girl who adorably clapped in her seat. Mercedes concentrated on her plate and chose to ignore the adoring glance Sam sent her way. Had she looked, she would have noticed the impressed looks Mr. and Mrs. Evans were giving each other.

Jumping from his chair Stevie ran to grab his backpack. "We have to leave now or else we're gonna be late." Sam laughed as Stevie attempted to push him out the chair and pull him to the door. "Come on." Stevie was an anomaly—he constantly struggled with his grades but loved his classes. He was always excited to go to school and hated missing a day so when Sam heard the urgency in his little brother's voice, he rushed to comply. Mercedes wiped her hand on the dish towel as she put the last dish in the dishwasher. "Ready to go?" Sam's voice cut through the silence that fell as everyone went on their way. He held his hand out to her while holding her backpack with the other. Slipping her fingers through his she swung their hands lightly before he let go to open the passenger side door.

The car ride was relaxing as the younger Evans siblings chattered on about school, but when they rushed out of the car and into the building a nervous energy began to develop between Sam and Mercedes. Gone was the barrier the adorable blondes created and the much-needed conversation they planned on having began to loom in the forefronts of their minds. Their ride continued in companionable silence, both lost in their own worlds until they reached the school's parking lot. Ever the gentleman, Sam ran around to the other side to open the door for her. Pressing her lightly against the car he looked down at her as he wrapped his arms around her waist. Her arms rose to meet at his neck where she played with his soft blonde tendrils, gently raking them with her nails. She was everything he ever wanted and she was here, in his arms, receptive to his affection. He studied her features and smirked as he adjusted the beret she wore. She reached up and kissed his nose gently never taking her eyes off his. Drawing a deep breath he reached for her hands and held them, determined to relish in this moment.

Their eyes met and he gulped. One look at her threatened to spill the words he's fought so valiantly to keep at bay. Words he struggled to quantify and tried to ignore. Words he finally learned to accept. They can't be contained now, not with her looking like this and being so close. He sighs as his last visage of control crumbles and he finally says the words that have been on his mind and in his heart for years.

"I love you." His breath caught in his throat as the dam finally broke. Once the words spilled forth more began to gush forward until he prattled about nervously trying to fill the quiet space between them. "When we were putting up those decorations for the play and you fell into my arms I knew was in trouble because I didn't know how to let you go. You belonged there, with me holding you. Having you close,  _holding_ you close, was as natural as breathing. That was the day I figured out I loved you and there was no way to change it, there was no reason to fight it. I only wanted to surrender to it." His gaze was fixed on their intertwined hands and he couldn't bear looking in her eyes, fearful of her reaction.

His words hung heavy in the air as relief oozed out of his pores. He said it. It was finally out there for better or for worse.

He chanced a glance in her direction and was surprised at what he found. Her features softened. She looked serene and he prayed the next words out of her mouth would keep his heart from separating.

She loosened her hand from his and placed it on his cheek tenderly. His words assuaged the fears that he only wanted her because of his Savior Complex; that he would have grown attached to anyone he helped the way he helped her and if it were someone else they would be standing here with him now. It was just a coincidence that it was her. But then she thought back to his words and how he said she was all he saw, to how fiercely he protected her. He was there all along, she just never bothered to notice.

Ready to put a name on her feelings she began. "Sam, I…"

"Mercedes we need to talk."

Both whipped around, surprised and a little frustrated, to find an angry Kurt and distraught Tina standing in front of them. Kurt tapped his foot on the ground and huffed indignantly. Instinctively Sam stood between Kurt and Mercedes. "Look whatever you need to say to her you can save it." He put his hand up as a not-so subtle warning to Kurt to back away.

Kurt cut his eye at Sam and fixed him with the iciest glare he could muster. "Mercedes could you tell your guard dog to stand down or something? We need to talk." Directing her attention to Sam Tina asked with a sneer, "Don't you have to catch up with Mike or go to football practice, anything that doesn't involve breathing down Mercedes' neck?" It dawned on Mercedes that she and Sam spent so much time focused on her problems that she didn't notice the changes in him. He stopped playing football or hanging out with friends. She chastised herself when she realized after taking her to the hospital he was becoming a shell of his former self; he was starting to fade into the background. With everyone's focus shifted to what was happening to her who was looking after Sam? She placed a calming hand on Sam's shoulder before calling out over it. "Can you both give me and Sam a minute?" Kurt raised an eyebrow, and Tina rolled her eyes at the question. Ignoring their responses, Mercedes grabbed Sam's hand and moved away from the duo. "Sam, can you give me a few minutes to talk to them. I have some things I need to say. Things they need to hear." His brow furrowed as he looked between the duo and Mercedes. "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure. Thanks. Maybe you could go meet up with Mike, hang out with him for a while? Her heart sunk as she watched the light dim from his eyes.

"Yeah. I guess." He began to walk away, shoulders slumped.

"Sam," she called out before he got too far.

Turning around he waited for her to catch up to him. "Can we talk later? Lunch?"

Sam smiled. Leaning in, he kissed her forehead. "It's a date."

She grinned watching him retreat into the building. Taking a deep breath she walked over to Kurt and Tina cautiously, already knowing they had a million things to say about what just transpired.

"Alright what do you want to talk about?"

Tina looked at Mercedes with her mouth agape. "Are you kidding? You won't even talk to us but you're fawning all over him? You've known us all your life, why are you ignoring us now?"

"Yeah," Kurt added. "I knew you were lonely but I had no idea you would latch onto the first guy that paid you any attention. Is that why you told him and not us?"

Their words would have hurt if she still valued their opinions. Right now she couldn't help but feel sorry for them. Their world was so small and they were so set against change that they were no different than the bullies they complained about. "I can't even begin to explain how many things are wrong with what you just said. It doesn't matter. The days of me bending over backwards to appease you are over."

Tina stepped in front of Kurt. "What happened Mercedes? What made you change? We used to do everything together then you shut me out. I miss the old you. I miss my friend."

"Of course you do. You liked me as I was. Safe, quiet little doormat that you could use when you needed encouragement, then push away when you found someone better."

Kurt spoke up. "That's not fair Mercedes you shut me out a long time ago. Why didn't you tell me about your parents? Do you know how embarrassing it was to find out from my dad that you filed for emancipation? That you were suffering? Do you care how that made me feel?"

"Honestly would you have listened? You forgot about me long before I shut you out. You both did."

Kurt sputtered, trying to defend his actions. "I admit I didn't really pay you much attention, but you didn't pay me much attention either. You don't understand what it means to have Blaine in my life, how much he saved me. You don't understand everything I went through. So maybe I leaned a little more on Finn and Rachel. Maybe Tina was wrapped in her relationship with Mike. We're allowed to have other friends and boyfriends."

"I never cared that you had boyfriends, I was happy for you. I was your biggest supporter. In fact, I was right here day in and day out listening to you, being the shoulder you could cry on. I would say I outgrew you but that's not true. I never should have been friends with someone who treats me like an embarrassment, like I'm not good enough to stand next to them. You want to know the real reason I continued to be your friend? Because I knew without a shadow of a doubt I could fade into the background, remaining hidden and you wouldn't once ask if I was okay. I knew being your friend guaranteed my secret would stay hidden."

Kurt reared back, looking like he had been slapped. His face was a mixture of hurt, sadness and guilt. Tina was struck mute and kept her head down too ashamed to meet Mercedes' eyes. She realized Mercedes was right, her friend's life was in shambles and she was too self-centered to notice. She had no right to call Mercedes her friend—she didn't deserve the girl's forgiveness.

Mercedes shook her head and laughed sadly. "I don't know what hurt worse, thinking you cared about me and being afraid of you finding out, or being proven wrong every day. I want to thank you though because you both showed me what a true friend is and what it isn't."

Seeing Sam down the hallway she walked towards him and away from her crestfallen ex-best friends.

It was honestly alarming how this boy knew her tells. How he wouldn't let her get away with anything. It made her feel secure for the first time in a long time. "Hey do you want to talk about it," Sam asked slipping his fingers into hers. She shook her head as they continued to walk towards Mrs. A's class together.

Sitting in class with Sam, she giggled as he whispered in her ear. They were in their own little world, both faces heating up when Mrs. A had to separate them. Moving towards the back of the class she put her head down embarrassed before looking down at her foot. A crumpled piece of paper was by her shoe and when she looked around she saw Amanda Sanger gesture for her to pick it up and read it. Amanda was great at everything but even more than that she was an all around great person. She volunteered at soup kitchens on the weekends, advocated for the homeless and read to children in the hospital. Always kind and considerate it was no wonder why the girl was so well loved. Slowly she opened the paper trying to cough to distract from the crinkly sound it produced. Through class she mulled over Amanda's note, analyzing her loopy handwriting. She wondered why the girl asked to talk to her. Amanda did love charity cases and maybe she thought Mercedes fit the bill? She was going to listen to what this girl had to say. Why not? Today seemed to be the day to make a fresh start.

Sam's next class was on the other side of school so as the bell rang he waved at Mercedes before bolting out of the classroom. Anxiously Mercedes lingered back and waited for Amanda to approach. "Hi Mercedes."

Guardedly, she answered. "Hey."

Amanda smiled and fiddled with her hands. Mercedes could tell she was nervous which in turn was making her more nervous. "I know you want to know why I asked to talk to you."

Mercedes nodded for her to continue. "Well it's about Sam."

The mention of Sam's name piqued her interest and the blush forming on Amanda's cheeks was doing noting to settle the uneasy feeling she was getting. "He's amazing and I know this is going to seem weird but I like him and I know you two are good friends so I'm wondering if I… would have a shot with Sam?"

Of course this was all too good to be true. She could feel the bubble burst and reality settle in; that this morning was a lucid dream she deluded herself into believing came true. Mercedes was hurt—why had the girl assumed they were just friends? Kissing him last night, holding him close this morning was about the un-friendliest activities she ever engaged in. She wanted to tell Amanda that Sam was hers and hers alone. Mercedes wanted to hurt Amanda and make the girl rue the day she ever thought she could have something with Sam but he wasn't hers. She had no claim on him and an unsettling feeling, the bitter pill she was forced to swallow rippled through her—she  _shouldn't_ be with him. Mercedes was stifling him. If she held onto him, allowed herself to explore her feelings, she would be no different than her mother. She wouldn't use her love to control him.

She was then confronted with the harshest truth of all….she loved him and knowing that came with a set of responsibilities. Loving him meant protecting his heart. It meant sacrificing everything for his well-being, even at the expense of her own. Amanda was just the kind of girl Sam should be with—open, stable,  _uncomplicated_. She was just what Sam needed, just what he deserved. Mercedes learned from Sam that love was selfless and she knew she had to love him enough to let him go.

Tina's comment that morning made her reflect on how her situation affected him. He was becoming like her, isolating himself and being content to dwell in the background. She didn't want that for him. He was always vibrant and being around her was dulling him. She couldn't do that to him, she wouldn't hold him back.

She warred with herself before her mouth uttered the words that broke her heart. "Amanda, I think you're the best person for him."

The sweet girl squealed and hugged Mercedes, oblivious to the damage her question caused. Mercedes plastered on a smile and ran hurriedly out of the room in desperate search of a place to hide as her world came crashing down around her.


	10. Lose Myself

_I can love you better  
Lose myself in love ..._

_I used to do it for the love a long time ago_  
And all I ever wanted was love  
I used to love without fear a long time ago  
And all I ever wanted was love  
Then somebody came around and tried to hurt me  
Try to make me feel like I was unworthy  
Took a pure love and tried to make it dirty  
Truth was they never did deserve me no!

 _I had to lose myself so I could love you better_  
I had to lose myself, had to lose myself so I could  
Love you better, lose myself in love  
And that's just the way it is?

 _Couldn't tell me I was in love when I needed it_  
When, all I ever wanted was love.  
Should a told me I was worth receiving it  
But all I ever wanted was love  
There's something awkward about the selflessness it  
Takes to  
Give love and the good that it makes you!  
True love can never really forsake you  
But it took a little while just for me to see!

 _I had to lose myself so I could love you better_  
I had to lose myself, had to lose myself so I could  
Make it better  
Had to lose myself, had to lose myself  
So I could love you better  
Lose myself in love  
And that's just the way it is?

 _I had a paralyzing fear of facing failure_  
And I couldn't love you perfectly with that fear in my head  
So perilously I had to face the danger  
So I could come back and love you whole instead  
All of your soul I said!  
So I could make it better

 _I had to lose myself had to lose myself_  
So I could love you better  
Had to lose myself, had to lose myself so I could  
Make it better  
Lose myself in love  
And that's just the way it is

 _And so it goes that I never meant to hurt you_  
Couldn't stay but I never meant to desert you  
Whole lot a things I just had to work through  
Time to heal and restore my self-worth too  
Confrontation of my fears and anxiety  
Cried a whole lot of years I suffered quietly  
And though it may have taken years I can finally  
Tell you that you were always on my mind!

 _I had to lose myself so I could love you better_  
Had to lose myself, had to lose myself so I could  
Love you better baby better baby  
Had to lose myself, had to lose myself  
So I could love you better baby  
Had to lose myself had to lose myself so I could love you better baby  
Had to lose myself in love  
Yeah, so I can love you better baby lose myself in love  
Lose myself in love  
And that's just the way it is!

 _Takes strength to absorb all the abuse I did_  
Great love to absorb all the misuse I did  
Hey baby it's not an excuse I give.  
And I'd do it all again because for you I live

 _Takes strength to absorb all the abuse I did_  
Great love to absorb all the misuse I did  
Hey baby it's not an excuse I give.  
And I'd do it all again because for you I live

 _Had to lose myself so I could love you better baby_  
Had to lose myself in love, so I could love you better baby  
Had to lose myself in love again  
So I could love you better baby baby  
Had to lose myself in love again  
So I could love you better baby baby baby  
I can love you better baby, I could love you better, I could love you better  
I can love you better I could love you better I could love you better  
It sure feels right  
That's just the way it is

**_Lose Myself-Marsha Ambrosius_ **

* * *

 

Sam tapped anxious feet on the floor and checked his watch for the third time. After seeing student after student grab their lunch and take a seat, he put his head down and tried to think of anything else. Something was wrong, he could feel it in the pit of his stomach. He saw it when she was talking to Amanda earlier. Before he went up to greet her she ran in the opposite direction. He found it in the way she averted his gaze after he called out to her in the crowded hallway. This was supposed to be their big moment and for some unknown reason he had a bad feeling they were back at square one. He tried to stay positive but every minute that passed felt like she was slipping further and further away. He couldn't quell the doubts that began to creep in. Maybe he was too hasty in telling her how he felt. Maybe she wasn't ready. Worst of all maybe she didn't feel the same. Maybe he had deluded himself into thinking this love was two- sided. After waiting 30 minutes, it was clear that he was stood up and he couldn't stand being in the cafeteria with more questions than answers for another second. Grabbing his bag he was stopped when an uncharacteristically nervous Amanda sat next to him. His brow creased in confusion and he had a bad feeling once he saw the flush on Amanda's cheeks.

"Um Amanda…what's up?" He tried to be cordial but he really just wanted to leave.

He watched her fiddle with her hands and draw a deep breath before speaking. "Hey Sam. I hope you don't think I'm being too forward but I have tickets to a concert this weekend and I was hoping you could go…as my date? I figured it would be a good way to get to know each other." She tugged a strand of hair behind her ear and shyly looked at the floor.

He was shocked. Amanda seemed nice but he barely knew her and to be blunt, he had no interests in getting to know her. He only wanted to know the elusive girl he just saw rush away from the cafeteria but she was proving to be difficult to figure out. He thought they were building towards something but her latest action was perplexing. Sam likened Mercedes to a Rubik's cube—all the colors may fit on one side, but once it was turned over everything was jumbled all over again. There was no greater triumph than getting all the colors to match on all sides and Sam was determined to solve the puzzle, knowing once it was completed it would be a beautiful masterpiece. Looking at the nervous girl in front of him, he sighed knowing he had to deal with this situation first before tracking Mercedes down.

"Amanda, you're great and all but I like someone else." He frowned as he watched her eyes well.

She shrugged. "I figured it was a long shot. I had to…check just in case, you know?" She gave him a fake smile to show she was okay. "It's just that Mercedes said I should go for it and you two are so close…"

A surge of emotions ran through Sam—the most prominent being anger. Why was she trying to sabotage everything the worked towards? "Mercedes said that," he asked not as a question but an affirmation that helped to explain why the guarded girl stood him up. Forgetting about Amanda who he undoubtedly embarrassed, he rushed out the door towards the direction he just saw Mercedes run off in.

He tried to calm down, but the further away she was the angrier he got. "Mercedes,' he practically growled her name in frustration and didn't try to stop the grunt he let out when he caught up to her. In one swift move he grabbed her and pulled her into the nearby supply closet.

"What the hell Mercedes!"

He looked at her flaccid expression, waiting for her to explain her actions. He watched her cross her arms and purse her lips and he knew she was digging her heels in and keeping her guard up. He didn't care. Normally he would regard her uncomfortable stance but he wanted answers. Hell, he deserved answers and he was determined to get them. The longer she didn't answer the angrier he got.

"Dammit Mercedes, answer me! Why are you running away from me and trying to set me up with Amanda? Do you know how horrible she felt when I turned her down? If this is about this morning…"

"It was a mistake." She looked around at the cleaning supplies, the shelves, the string on the light above,  _anything_  to avoid his eyes.

His eyes widened and he couldn't erase the pain he felt from her statement. "Don't do this Mercedes. If you're scared, be scared but don't push me away." He pleaded that she would be stronger than her fears.

"Sam, we can't do this." She caught her bottom lip between her teeth to stop its trembling. She needed him to stop.

But he continued. "In that moment when you were truly honest about who you were and what you wanted, You were the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. You were breathtaking. Why are you doing this now? Why are you pushing me away just when we're building towards something phenomenal? Why are you downplaying what happened?"

She turned away from the intensity of his stare before the last of her resolve crumbled. With her back facing him she asked in a soft voice, "What did you mean when you said you need me more than I need you?"

It was his turn to evade her stare when she turned around. Her question startled him and he rubbed his neck before stuttering his response. "Nothing."

"Sam," she took his hand and realized it was trembling. "Please tell me."

He closed his eyes, too ashamed to look into hers and sighed. He thought he did a good job of hiding things but he should have known she would figure it out. "I never told you this but I couldn't sleep when I saw you in the hospital. My mind kept replaying how you looked. How you struggled to breathe on your own, how you would have died if I hadn't found you sooner."

She took one of her hands away from his and rubbed his arm consolingly. "Sam none of what happened was your fault. You're the hero in all of this. You're the one that saved me."

He shook his head and ignored her hollow words. She was trying to make him fell better, but he knew the truth. Opening his eyes he looked at her, wanting her to understand the sincerity in his words. " A thousand scenarios ran through my mind and I would have nightmares of what could have happened. I made a promise to you in the ambulance that I would look after you. That no matter what I would protect you. That's why I told the social worker about your situation, I had to. I knew you would hate me, but it didn't matter. I had to keep you safe. When we became friends I realized all of the stupid shit that was so important to me before was meaningless, so I let it all go. The only thing that helped me sleep was knowing you were okay. You have to know I did this because I love you, because I have always loved you. Don't be stupid like I was and push me away."

She smiled sadly at his words. It was just as she feared-he was hiding his feelings, losing himself in her situation. "I'm sorry Sam. I don't think we should be together."

"Please don't do this, we're so close. You're the strongest person I know. I draw my strength for you. After everything you went through, you were expected to be hardened but you weren't. You were still that little girl who helped a little dyslexic boy read. The girl who told him he was the best person she knew."

His words and the gentle care he took with them were tearing down her walls. She promised she would stay strong for him, but she didn't think she would be able to. "I am still that person, I'm just aware of how my actions affect others. Trust me, you are better without me."

He finally bared his soul and she was rejecting him. He didn't understand where all of this was coming from. "Are you afraid? I am too but believe me when I say I'm not going anywhere, you don't have to be afraid that I will desert you." He looked at her with heartbroken eyes.

She looked in his eyes and knew she was making the right decision. A love that stifled you was no love at all. Mercedes heart broke at the realization that she was the one ruining his life. In the chaotic maelstrom that surrounded her life who was speaking up for his best interest? Who was looking out for him? She saw it in his eyes, felt it in his embrace. He was breaking down, every day a little piece of him was chipping away and she knew she was responsible for it. "I…just…can't"

"Wow" He nodded in bitter understanding. This hurt more than the slap ever did. He couldn't be the only one fighting for a relationship. Her rejection cut too deep. He knew that he would always be there for her but right now he needed to leave with the little bit of dignity he had left. "I thought it was bad to hold in how I felt, but this…this is much worse. I hear you loud and clear. You want me out of your life? You got it." He walked right past her and opened the door, pushing through the crowded hallway.

Her emotions were raw. She had never felt so profoundly alone and understood how deeply Sam impacted every aspect of her life. Now that he was gone, her world was a colder, darker place. Ignoring the late bell she slipped into an empty classroom and pulled out her phone.

After getting the answering machine she took a shaky breath and left a message. "Mom? I know you hate me right now and you don't want to talk to me but I need you." Pressing the end call button she fell to her knees and sobbed.

She spent the last hours at school meandering through the hallways and going through the motions in her classes. All the chatter surrounding her was background noise, everything dulled. For the first time in a long time she felt forgotten.

Steeling herself, she slid the door to the kitchen open as the Evans' sat down for dinner. Dwight was making his specialty—tacos and he couldn't wait for her to try them. She frowned when the saw the empty seat Sam usually occupied. Before she could ask the question, Stacy ran over and took the words out of her mouth. "Where's Sam?"

Washing his hands and wiping them on is apron Dwight answered his youngest child. "He's out with some friends."

Mercedes smirked, happy that he was getting his life back. Still she couldn't help the sadness that permeated through her. Stacy saw her and grabbed her face.

"Why are you sad?"

Focusing her attention on the little girl she froze when Stacy wiped a tear Mercedes didn't know she shed. "I'll be okay," she answered not wanting to lie to the girl but not wanting to tell her the truth either. "Mercedes can you help me put this food on the table?"

She nodded as she watched Dwight put the condiments in different bowls. "I want you to know that no matter what happens tomorrow you can always come to me if you need to."

"Thanks Mr. Evans."

"I mean it. You always have a place here." He passed her the plates and she set the food down on the table. Halfway through the meal they heard the front door swing open and everyone turned to see Sam standing at the door. Mary was the first to greet him.

"Hey honey. Go wash your hands. Your father made your favorite."

Sam looked across the table at his family and his eyes locked with Mercedes' for a split second. "No thanks Mom. I'm actually not hungry." Turning away he took his bag and bounded up the stairs.

Mercedes looked in the direction he just went in. She sighed and shifted focus to the half eaten taco on her plate. "May I be excused? I'm a little tired."

Sliding into the pool house she flopped onto the bed. She remembered why she was doing this—that she loved him and it was about more than the way he made her heart race and was deeper than the way she felt when he held her. Her love was more intense than his kisses and carried a duty to his heart with it. It meant she had to be selfless and put him first, like he had been doing all along. It meant knowing she wasn't the best thing for him and remedying the situation, regardless of how much it broke her.

But it broke him too. She shuddered thinking about how hurt he was when she told them they couldn't be together and thought about how hurting him was not in his best interests. But she was conflicted because for the first time she couldn't rationalize her actions away. How could she when it meant her actions caused the same pain she was trying to have him avoid. If she was honest with herself, she was still a little wary of how easily he took residence in her heart. When he told her how strong she was for withstanding the abuse she couldn't help but feel like a coward. Here she was pushing him away because of how exposed he made her feel. She realized that maybe she didn't know what was best for him and what's worse maybe she inexplicably took what was best for him away.

Hearing her phone ring, she grabbed it from the charger and rushed to pick it up after seeing the name displayed on the front.

"Mom?" She couldn't help her emotion-filled greeting.

"Hi baby, I'm sorry I missed your call. What happened?"

Mercedes lay back on the bed and wiped the tears from her eyes. "I think I made a big mistake."


	11. Head Over Feet

_I had no choice but to hear you_

_You stated your case time and again_

_I thought about it_

_You treat me like I'm a princess_

_I'm not used to liking that_

_You ask how my day was_

_You've already won me over in spite of me_

_And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet_

_And don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are_

_I couldn't help it, it's all your fault_

_Your love is thick and it swallowed me whole_

_You're so much braver than I gave you credit for_

_That's not lip service_

_You've already won me over in spite of me_

_And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet_

_And don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are_

_I couldn't help it, it's all your fault_

_You are the bearer of unconditional things_

_You held your breath and the door for me_

_Thanks for your patience_

_You're the best listener that I've ever met_

_You're my best friend, best friend with benefits_

_What took me so long?_

_I've never felt this healthy before_

_I've never wanted something rational_

_I am aware now, I am aware now_

_You've already won me over in spite of me_

_And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet_

_And don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are_

_I couldn't help it, it's all your fault_

_You've already won me over in spite of me_

_And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet_

_And don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are_

_I couldn't help it, it's all your fault_

_I couldn't help it, it's all your fault_

**_Head Over Feet-Alanis Morrisette_ **

* * *

 

Mercedes looked at the extra boxes in the pool house and smiled painfully before she began to unpack. This past week had been a disaster. She was so mad at herself for pushing Sam away, but was hopeful her relationship with her mother could be rebuilt. Her mom told her to seek Sam out, apologize and let him know her intentions. Unfortunately, Sam remained evasive the rest of the week. She would never know how he managed to avoid her both at home and school. To top it all off her emancipation hearing left her questioning all the progress she made.

* * *

FLASHBACK

Lima County Municipal Family Court

Lima, OH

Mercedes sat on the right side of the long rectangular table with her heart racing. This was it—today was her adjudication date and she had a sneaking suspicion she wasn't going to be able to breathe right until the judge rendered a decision. She looked across the table at her parents. They looked like strangers to her—her father's face was stony and devoid of all the airs he usually put on. Her mother's face was sullen with dark circles under her eyes. Mercedes couldn't help but worry about her mother. After talking to her the other day Mercedes and her mother began to make inroads in their relationship. Both promised each other that they would remain close despite the verdict. Mercedes remained skeptical.

Her social worker sat at the end of the table, with stacks of files in front of her. Mercedes couldn't help but stare at the papers, feeling that each sheet contained a secret about her life. Turning her head slightly she looked at the head of the table where the judge sat. She sat straight, looking regal and authoritative all at once, but it was her kind eyes that helped Mercedes calm down.

The whole experience taught her about her parents. She realized their character was defined by how they acted in stressful situations. When her father spoke his tone was cold and distant. Instead of addressing questions head on he would shift the focus back to himself. He was overly defensive and aggressive. It helped Mercedes see he always acted that way. Even growing up she felt uneasy around her father.

When her mother went to speak Mercedes could hear her heart beat in her ears. She watched her mom's hand tremble as she opened a small, crinkled piece of paper and cleared her throat. "I wrote a letter to Mercedes, is okay to read it now?"

She exhaled after the judge nodded.

"Mercedes, my bright beautiful daughter. I failed you. I failed you every day I let you live in that house. I failed you with every bill I didn't pay, every time I put my pride before your needs." Leslie took a deep breath and wiped the tears from her eyes before continuing. "Every day you had to protect me and care for me I failed you. I am so sorry baby. I never meant for it to get this bad. I thought if we were together everything would be okay. I failed you every day I manipulated you into staying with me. I failed at being your mother, at taking care of you, protecting you and putting you first. I don't deserve the privilege of being your mother. I know you would do a better job taking care of yourself than I ever did. I am hoping the judge gives you that chance."

Mercedes put her head down and cried into her hands, missing the angry glare her father sent their mother. Composing herself she wiped her eyes and sat up.

When the judge was ready to deliver her verdict she directed all of her attention to the nervous teen. Smiling warmly, she crossed her fingers in front of her and leaned in. "Ms. Jones you are one very lucky girl. You have so many people who love you and are willing to take care of you. Trust me that is very rare in my line of work and is something that should be treasured. Your case worker handed me your file and I have to say you are one impressive young woman." Mercedes couldn't help but crack a small smile at the judge's kind words. "That being said I want you to continue doing good things and I'm concerned that being without adult influence will ruin all of the good work you're doing." Mercedes heart sank. She was being forced to stay with her father. Her body went limp preparing for the worst. In that moment Mr. and Mrs. Evans, who sat on either side of her held one of her hands, Mr. Evans squeezing reassuringly while Mrs. Evans soothingly patted her back. She looked at him and smiled gratefully before turning to repeat the gesture to Mrs. Evans. The judge took in their clasped hands and smiled, internally at peace with her decision. "Ms. Jones your request for emancipation from your parents, Mr. Reginald Jones and Ms. Leslie Walker, has been approved with one condition." Mercedes lifted her head and breathed out slowly. "You continue to live with the Evans. Your case worker will continue to chart your progress and the option to live on your own will be revisited in six months. Good luck to you honey. Make me proud."

Guilt washed over her as she looked into her mother's eyes, pleading for forgiveness. Her mother seemed to sense her request as she mouthed 'I'm so sorry' to her daughter. The courtroom was suffocating and immediately after the judge rendered her decision Mercedes leapt from her seat and opened the doors. She needed air. Standing outside the courthouse she stared at some fixed point ahead. It was all over. She fought for herself and won. She felt vindicated, free, and incredibly hollow.

Standing beside her, Sam didn't look at her and kept his hands in his pocket before asking, "Did you win?"

She was startled. After not hearing his voice for a week she wanted to relish the fact that he was speaking to her. Deciding not to push her luck she answered softly. "Yeah."

Pushing off the railing he nodded slightly. "Congratulations." Before she could respond he was already walking away from the building.

END OF FLASHBACK

* * *

That was the last time he willingly spoke to her. Standing in the Evans' kitchen, she couldn't believe how much damage she'd done. She put her mom on a pedestal, only realizing her resentment in court. Her mom's words and apology acted as a salve over her angry heart, but she doubted she could ever trust her again. And then there was Sam- kind, gentle, loving Sam who she trusted with everything and was deeply afraid he would resent caring for her. They used to be so close. Now they were practically strangers, and it hurt. It hurt because it was her fault. She wanted to end the vicious cycle of manipulation, sacrifice, and resentment that was so prevalent in her relationship with her mother. At first she thought she should leave him alone, watch him be happy and move on to someone he deserved. But she couldn't. She loved him and was too selfish to let him go. It was wrong, she knew, but she found refuge in his arms and had no intention of leaving.

She was plating her dinner when she heard him enter the room. "Sam." She was surprised by his presence as Dwight told him the family planned on visiting his brother for the weekend. He invited her, but she declined, asking if it would be okay if she settled in. She had no idea Sam wasn't going too.

He didn't greet her. He just turned around to head upstairs. "Sam," she called again. She was relieved when he turned around but he made no effort to look at her.

"You don't have to leave. This is your house. The last thing I want to do is make you uncomfortable in your own house. I'll go."

He rolled his eyes, barely suppressing a scoff. "Oh so  _now_  you care about my feelings?"

She shook her head. The last thing she wanted to do was fight with him. He was right to be angry, but she felt he would attack every word she said. "Never mind," she murmured as she went to retreat in the pool house.

"Why'd you do it?" His voice was so low she craned her neck to hear it.

At this point she knew she would have better luck showing him. She knew he was hiding how affected he was. Maybe taking him to visit a place that held painful memories would be therapeutic for both of them. Grabbing his car keys from the entryway table she walked towards the door. "I need to show you something."

She nudged her head towards the door. He looked skeptical but wanted an explanation. Right now he was hurt and that emotion was manifesting itself as anger. He couldn't be this close to her, not now. He just didn't understand how things changed so quickly. One minute she's about to tell him she loves him (he could see in her eyes that she was) and the next she's pushing him away? More than anything he wanted answers. If what she needed to show him would get him one, he would think about following her.

"Please?"

He rolled his eyes. Curiosity got the better of him and before he knew it he was in his car, tapping nervous fingers on his knees. He had no idea where she was taking him but soon the scenery became familiar and an ominous feeling loomed over him. His suspicions were confirmed when she turned onto her old block. All of his memories came flooding back: how he felt when he first went there, what he saw, how he found her. The images and memories still caused sleepless nights. Why is she dragging up the past? He watched her take a deep breath and take the key out of the ignition before turning to face him.

"What are you doing? Why are we here?"

She nervously bit her lip before responding. "Sam what happened here, it didn't just happen to me. All we've focused on was how everything affected me. You don't think I notice? I see you all the time. Every time the light turns on in the kitchen at 3AM it's you. You hold me tighter, watch me closer. I know you're affected. You don't have to pretend you're not. Let me help you. "

"I'm fine," he whispered. It's what he told himself over and over again- _I'm fine…she's fine…I can get over this._ Except he hadn't and he didn't think he ever would. Maybe being here would bring some sort of closure. Mercedes tapped on the passenger window and he flinched after being jolted from his thoughts. Rubbing his hands on his thighs he jumped out the car and took the hand she offered.

Every part of him was telling him to grab her and get away from this place. Everything was like that night—the cold air, the moldy stench, the rotting roof. He could hardly breathe. "This was a mistake. We shouldn't be here."

She ignored him and walked up the front stairs. Following her lead he gulped when she slowly turned the door knob, ignoring the uninhabitable caution sticker that now hung on the front door. He stood taking everything in. He couldn't breathe. The only thing that helped was focusing on her. He focused on the way she held his hand and the way she slightly shuddered beside him. He closed his eyes and focused on her breathing. This place didn't break her and he didn't kill her by showing up too late. It was paranoid and a little foolish but focusing on her made him feel better. He needed reassurances that she was okay to move on from this place. She squeezed his had comfortingly as if she read his thoughts. They stood in silence, neither moving, neither speaking, neither letting go. She looked up at him, gently wiping the tears from his eyes before squeezing his hand again. "Let's go."

The car ride back was awkward. Both of them were tense and neither wanted to add to it. They sat in silence. When they reached the front door he held the door open before walking behind her. He had a million thoughts running through his head. He needed to forgive himself and make peace with what happened. He couldn't get the image of her lifeless body on the floor out of his mind. Maybe he would never get over it. Maybe it was too big to get over. The words left his mouth of their own volition. "Maybe you were right about us."

She sighed and grabbed his wrist, hoping he would look at her and hear her out. "No, I wasn't. Sam, you didn't deserve what I did. I thought I was saving you. I thought if I wasn't in your life, everything would be better. I was so wrong." She mistook love for co-dependency, selflessness for resentment, and in the end she ended up hurting the one person she was trying to protect.

He bit his lip slightly, mulling over her words. Sam was tired, he stated his case and she pushed him away. Somehow it didn't matter—he'd try a thousand times over because he loved her. It was as simple and complicated as that. "I've tried to let you go, push you out of my mind, my heart. It doesn't work that way. It won't go away because you rejected me. I love you even though you hurt me. I want to be with you even though I'm afraid you'll break my heart. I can't help it. But I need a promise from you—you have to be all in. We can't half-ass this. It's too important." He knew this was it. One word from her could silence his doubts or break his heart. Waiting for her response felt like torture but he stood in the dark living room, feet firmly planted on the ground, opening himself up to the girl he loves once more.

"I'm all in, and I'm so sorry I made you doubt my intentions." Squeezing his hands she looked up at him ready to admit something to him for the first time. "I love you Sam. I love you so much." She smiled at the breath he blew out. She hated how much pain she caused, how much doubt she placed in his mind. Mercedes wondered why it took her so long to see something that was as plain as day. "It isn't that you love me. It was that you thought I was worthy of love. It was that no matter how hard I tried to fade away and hide you could see me, really see me. And you let me know it was okay to love myself."

He had no words, she took them all; he had no fears, she eased them all. Standing before him was someone he saw glimpses of long ago and fought to get back. He saw Mercedes Jones—whole and complete, beautiful and unforgettable. She took his heart and gave hers in return. Leaning forward and bending slightly, he cupped her face in his hands and pressed his warm lips to her soft ones. She smiled into the kiss. Her hands, which began at her sides drifted up his chest to his shoulder, slid to his neck before finding their usual home in his hair. It was a study in contrasts: His calloused hands touching her soft, smooth cheeks; his hands, which began both on her cheeks moved to explore, one gently remained on her cheek while the other sensuously rubbed circles on her lower back; her delicate hands jostled and mussed his hair; the cold air blowing through the open front door and the consuming heat roiling in their bellies; their rapid heartbeats and languid tongues.

Pulling apart he was shocked when he saw their position—somehow they ended on the floor with him on top of her. Breathing harshly he watched as her eyes fluttered open. He made no moves to let go of her, instead shifting his body so he lay beside her. She looked up at him adoringly and nestled into his chest as their legs tangled. She shivered against him and he sat up when he realized they didn't close the door. Repositioning himself beside her after closing the door he took her hand and laced it with his own. "I could get used to this." She smiled and nuzzled further into his chest. "I love you Sam Evans."

He kissed her temple before replying. "I love you too. I never stopped."


	12. Where are you Going?

_Where are you going?_  
With your long face  
Pulling down  
Don't hide away  
Like an ocean  
That you can't see but you can smell  
And the sound of the waves crash down

 _I am no Superman_  
I have no reasons for you  
I am no hero  
Oh, that's for sure  
But I do know one thing  
Is where you are is where I belong  
I do know where you go  
Is where I want to be

_Where are you going?  
Where do you go?_

_Are you looking for answers_  
To questions under the stars?  
Well, if along the way  
You are grown weary  
You can rest with me until  
A brighter day and you're okay

 _I am no Superman_  
I have no answers for you  
I am no hero  
Oh, that's for sure  
But I do know one thing  
Is where you are is where I belong  
I do know where you go  
Is where I want to be

_Where are you going?  
Where do you go?_

_Where do you go?  
Where are you going?_

_Where do you go?_

_I am no Superman_  
I have no answers for you  
I am no hero  
Oh, that's for sure  
But I do know one thing  
Is here you are is where I belong  
I do know where you go  
Is where I want to be

 _Where are you going?_  
Where do you go?  
Tell me, where are you going?  
Where?  
Well, let's go

**_Where Are You Going-Dave Matthews Band_ **

* * *

 

A year had passed since Mercedes told Sam she loved him. Since she finally let go of her fears and let her guard down. And it was a beautiful year. In that time she let him in, she became a part of his family and he hers. They grew with each passing day. They grew in maturity and patience, in trust and love. Possibilities opened up for them that they only dreamed of.

They got into their dream schools—hers being Brown and his being Vanderbilt. In their eyes, they couldn't have been further apart. Sure he got into Brown too, but he had been focused on going to the Tennessee school since infancy. She too got into Vanderbilt and was willing to attend, but the scholarship they offered was meager at best and with little to no money, it was an impossibility. Thankfully her first choice offered her a full academic scholarship.

The goodbye was difficult, causing a dull ache in Sam's heart that never got better. They decided on a long distance relationship. Walking away would have been easier, but with everything they went through that option was unbearable. He knew if there was a one-and-a-million chance that they would last; they would be that one couple that defied the odds. She's his best friend, his strength, his therapy, his love. How could he ever think about being away from her?

This is what left him standing in his newly rented one bedroom apartment in Rhode Island sweaty from his fourth trip to his car.

It wasn't because he needed to follow her, it was because his priorities changed. Vanderbilt had been the school he was supposed to go to. He was supposed to follow in his parent's and grandparent's footsteps. He was supposed to go back home to Tennessee and make an impact in his community. No one ever told him someone could come in and change something he thought had been mandated since birth. He had a new dream, a new priority. One that didn't involve Vanderbilt but instead involved his heart. Currently, his heart was studying communications at Brown University.

He was nervous of how she would react, nervous of what she would say. Mercedes was good at sacrificing herself for others, and he hoped she wouldn't misconstrue this as him sacrificing his dream for her. She needed to know those dreams couldn't happen without her.

Car finally unloaded he took a minute to survey his surroundings. He could see them here. Could see them drinking hot apple cider as they studied for midterms, could see them curled up on the couch watching movies as the snow fell; could see her pouting as he jogged circles around her in the mornings. This would be their oasis, their hiding place when the world made them weary. He knew this was the start. That this place was just practice for the rest of their lives.

Now all he had to do was convince Mercedes of that fact.

Of course his parents would be disappointed when they found out. His mother would caution him about his priorities, and his father would warn him not to interfere with hers. Sure he would hear lecture after lecture about being responsible but he didn't care—she was worth it,  _they_  were worth it.

Fully drained and drenched in sweat he decided to take a shower before heading to her dorm to surprise her.

The campus was large and littered with people. He could sense the nervous excitement in the air. Everything was new here. He could see her growing and thriving here. She deserved this. She deserved a happy ending.

Sam took determined steps to her dorm room hoping she was there. He mumbled the words he practiced saying as he walked.

He was halfway there when he saw her. She sat in a secluded area in the grass shaded by a tree.

Noting her adorable scrunched up face, Sam watched her as she read and highlighted words in a book that looked almost too big to fit in her lap. He exhaled at her sight. It had only been three weeks but it felt like years since he'd last seen her. And his heartbeat sped up just as it always had in her presence. He took one look at her and knew he made the right choice.

She didn't notice him at first, her eyes still intent on her textbook, but when he sat down beside her and she smelled his familiar scent she shut the book and looked over at him.

"Sam what are you doing here?" Her face held a bevy of emotions—confusion, concern, anger. If he wasn't mistaken he could also see the happiness there, hidden under her slightly upturned mouth. He focused on it and hoped,  _prayed_ it meant she would be happy with his decision.

"I couldn't do it Mercedes. I couldn't. It felt wrong being there without you so I re-enrolled here."

She was happy to see him, but she didn't want him to throw away everything he ever wanted. She bit her lip and asked the question that was on her mind since she looked into his eyes. "What about Vanderbilt? What about your dream?"

He took his hand in hers. "It means nothing to me."

She pulled her hand back and moved away from him slightly. "I can't believe you would give up Vanderbilt for me. I don't want you to have any regrets or wake up 5 or 50 years from now resenting me. You deserve to be happy, Vanderbilt makes you happy. You belong there."

Large hands cupped her face as he tilted her head so she could look at him directly. He needed her to understand, to hear the sincerity in his voice. "Not without you. You should know by now you're an essential part of my life. I belong with you, by your side wherever you go. How could I ever regret being with you? Don't you know that it has always been you?"

He'd won. She had no counterpoint. Jumping into his arms she hugged him fiercely and kissed him passionately. She smiled into his chest as he wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her hair. He couldn't get enough of her scent.

"Are you mad?"

She shook her head and repositioned herself between his legs, her back to his front. "I have you here with me, how could I be mad?"

Mercedes leaned into his chest now soaking up the sun. Closing her eyes she relished in the feel of being wrapped in his arms. It felt like being rescued from falling, like being put back together after being broken, like finding the strength to fight for yourself and those you love. In essence, Sam's embrace felt like home.


	13. Be My Forever

_We're on top of the world_  
We're on top of the world now darling so don't let go  
Can I call you mine  
So can I call you mine now darling  
For a whole lot of time  
My heart finally trust my mind  
And I know somehow it's right

 _And oh we got time, yeah_  
So darling just say you'll stay  
Right by my side  
And oh we got love, yeah  
So darling just swear you'll stand right by my side

 _We're on top of the world_  
We're on top of the world now darling so don't let go  
Hmm, I've got something to say  
You're perfect in every way, I'm gonna shout it out  
I'm wanna tell you now  
'Cause I know somehow it's right

 _And oh we got time, yeah_  
So darling just say you'll stay right by my side  
And oh we got love, yeah  
Darling just swear you'll stand right by my side

 _Be my forever_  
Be my forever  
Be my forever

 _Be my forever_  
Be my forever  
Be my forever

 _You're my bright blue sky_  
You're the sun in my eyes  
Oh baby you're my life  
You're the reason why

_We're on top of the world  
We're on top of the world now darling so don't let go_

_And oh, we got time_  
Yeah, we got love  
So darling just swear you'll stay right by my side  
Oh, and we got love, yeah  
So darling just swear you'll stand right by my side

 _Be my forever_  
Be my forever  
Be my forever

 _Be my forever_  
Be my forever  
Be my forever

 _Will you love me forever?_  
I'll love you forever  
Be my forever

 _Be my forever_  
Be my forever  
Be my forever

**_Be My Forever- Christina Perri ft. Ed Sheeran_ **

* * *

 

Mercedes swung the Martin’s Steakhouse bags gently as she walked up to her and Sam’s apartment. They had moved in together two years prior (against Pa Evans’ wishes) and she could honestly say each day was better than the last.

At the beginning, it was difficult convincing their parents that moving in together was the best decision.

First, they argued that it would be more economical—living off campus would save more than $10,000 a year and meant Mercedes could spend more time studying and less time at one of her three jobs.  Having a scholarship didn’t cover everything--it was a miracle that she wasn’t kicked out because she couldn’t foot the bill. What she hadn’t known was her tuition was already paid in full long before she set foot into school and every dollar she had shelled out to pay for classes or textbooks was funneled into a private account that she would have full access to upon graduating.

Then, Sam told his parents that Mercedes wasn’t safe living in the dorms. That despite the presence of campus police and the fact that they had both lived on campus for two years without incident, Mercedes would be safer if she lived with him. They would keep each other safe. A recent string of robberies and sexual assaults on campus only helped cement his point.  

Truth was, they just wanted to live together. Simple as that. So they would find any excuse and find any reason to do what they wanted.  

In the past two years of living together, Mercedes learned things about Sam that she may have never known otherwise.

For instance, she learned that Sam was perpetually late because he took at least 10 minutes every day to sing in the shower. And how he would leave half-full cups of juices and water everywhere, his only defense was that they were really ‘half-empty.’ She also had to throw out dozens of pairs of socks—because Sam never seemed to have any and had no problems trying to force his big boat feet into her tinier socks.

But whenever she was stressed over a final or had a bad day at work, Sam would brighten her day by reenacting a scene from a movie or making her laugh with an impression. He’d happily wash the dishes or give her foot massages. Sam would make doodles and leave them on the fridge, or write her notes and put them in her bag before she left for class.

The kind, sensitive boy she’d known most of her life had turned into a smart, funny, remarkable man.

She didn’t think it possible, hadn’t known when it happened, but in time, Mercedes had grown deeper in love with him.

So when Sam got a call back from the animation studio he had been interning with the past year, she grabbed them a celebratory dinner at Sam’s favorite restaurant. She just _knew_ Sam got the job.

They were due to graduate in two days—Mercedes had been accepted into grad school and Sam had been handing out resumes and fine-tuning his portfolio.

All of the animators loved Sam and his boss even asked his advisor if he could stay on an additional semester. So having Sam work at the studio as soon as he graduated was a no-brainer, right?

One of the bags tapped against her exposed legs and her romper twisted slightly with each movement. The refreshing cool breeze made her forget about the uncharacteristic late-spring scorcher Rhode Island had been experiencing the past few days. Mercedes looked down at her legs and beamed. Unlike before, her legs shined and glowed. Upon closer inspection, you would find the slight blemishes of scratches and scars that healed and lightened.

Lightened, but never disappeared. Faded, but never went away.

They were constant reminders of the past. Of the house and people and circumstances that made her who she was. Of the way pride and greed can stand in the way of love. And how real love can make you stronger and braver.

Fearless.

That was what Sam had taught her. 

And in a few days she would be graduating. Her mom was driving up and the Evans were due in tomorrow.

Mercedes missed them, and although Sam talked to her mom just as much, or maybe more, than she’d talked to her mom, Mercedes was excited to have some one-on-one time before her mom drove back to Ohio and her new job.

“Hey baby,” she sang as she opened the door. “I have a surprise for…”

But the words died on her lips as soon as she looked around. Hundreds of tea lights flickered from the doorway, to their tiny hall, into the living room.

“Sam.” Her voice got softer. “What’s this?”

Sam stood in the middle of the living room and cleared his throat. He smirked as he usually did when he was nervous and lifted a sleeve on his tight raglan.

“I didn’t get the job.”

Mercedes gently placed the bags on the floor (and away from the candles) and walked over to Sam. “Oh baby, I’m so sorry. I can’t believe they didn’t hire you. Forget them--It’s their loss. When you’re a big-time animator, they’ll be kicking themselves. You know, I never liked that crusty boss of yours anyway.”  

Sam shook his head and smiled. Mercedes was always in his corner. “No. I got the job, but I turned it down.”

Mercedes’ face scrunched up in the adorable way it does when she is confused.

Sam chuckled, but blew out a breath before he continued. Why the hell was he so nervous?

“They asked me where I saw myself in the next 5 years and I couldn’t see myself at some desk drawing. I don’t want to be in animation. I’m not sure where I want to be. And I kept trying to concentrate, kept trying to see what my life would be like in 5 years and you know what I saw?”

Mercedes shook her head.

“ _You_. I saw you yelling at me for stretching out your socks and laughing when I tickle you. I even saw you with our firstborn, teasing me about being overprotective. I saw you so clear and so bright—you were in every part of my future. So, I many not know what I’ll be doing, but I know who I’ll be with—you. I love you. I love everything about you. I don’t want to go forward, I don’t want to go another day, without doing something to secure our future. So, I’m asking. I’m _hoping._ ”

Sam bent in front of her and pulled a ring from his pocket. “Marry me?”

Mercedes bit her plump bottom lip. This was too soon, right? Shouldn’t they be focused on their careers? Then flashes of memories filled her mind. Of wrapping herself around Sam as he rushed her down the steps, of him catching her before she fell off that ladder, of him standing up to Mr. Schue and her dad and those people from Glee who only pretended to care about her. She remembered the way he traced her scars, and held her hand and let her know everything was going to be alright. Movie nights and make-out sessions. Study breaks and bakeoffs. Dancing lessons and their first time.

He was her shoulder to cry on, her best friend and hero.

What was holding her back?

Tears filled her eyes. “Are you sure?”

Sam moved the ring between his thumb and pointer finger. He swallowed against the lump forming in his throat. “Darling, I’ve never been _more_ sure of anything in my life. What do you say? Can I call you mine forever?”

Bending down, Mercedes grabbed his face and laughed. Nodding her head, she responded, “Yes”.  She kissed his forehead. “Yes.” Then his nose. “Yes,” and finally his soft mouth. “Yes. Forever.”

THE END


End file.
